


Crossroads

by EnzCat



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Canon Compliant, F/F, Multiple Endings, Slow Burn, SurveyCorps!Annie AU, heavy spoilers
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-09-09
Updated: 2017-12-02
Packaged: 2018-12-25 12:52:12
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 21,162
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12036255
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/EnzCat/pseuds/EnzCat
Summary: Life is a series of crossroads.  Eventually, a decision must always be made - every choice a turn into the unknown.  Annie picks several roads and soon finds that every path is a detour that leads straight to Mikasa.ORThat one story that splinters into multiple alternate time streams after the first chapter (which could be a one-shot all its own, if you like) because I couldn’t decide which I wanted to explore most.~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~A bridge would burn today.Annie took a deep breath and filled her nose with intoxicating aroma of laundry, sex, andMikasa.  Annie suppressed a shiver as Mikasa huffed a contented breath against the bare skin of her hip.  She tried to visualize that gentle puff of air sending her anxieties scattering, blowing the weight of them from her shoulders along with the knowledge that, soon, all the predawn peace in the world wouldn’t be enough to blot-out the scent of smoke.





	1. --: The First Fork

**Author's Note:**

> Important A/N:  
> So, I’m going to be exploring different time streams and the effect that individual choices (i.e. Annie’s choices) have on them. I love these characters and I’m essentially writing this because I couldn’t decide what I would want to read most – the answer was all of them, so I’m writing all of them.
> 
> This story will work as follows:  
> Every timeline will break-off after the first chapter and will continue to splinter thereafter.  
> I’m going to differentiate between the different storylines using binary. So, the titles of the chapters will begin with a series of ones and zeros to tell you the reading order and the actual title will tell you the choice made. For example: 1 – Joins the Military Police vs. 0 – Joins the Survey Corp.  
> A second split would be 11 vs. 10 and 01 vs. 00, and so on (though not all splits will have multiple options and some will end earlier than others because I'm only human... Also, I have a short attention span and I'm not a crazy person, lol).  
>  **This entire fic will be heavy on the spoilers for the manga, anime, and extra materials (Lost Girls, OVA’s, etc.), so you’ve been warned. I read the manga as it is released, so be sure you are up-to-date before reading each new chapter. The first chapter contains spoilers up to chapter 97.** If you are confused by my description of the “pallet-style beds”, then you can see them in chapter 16, page 10 of the manga.
> 
> Also, I’ve bumped their ages up by three years because I refuse to write underage romance stories; therefore, in 850 (graduation), Mikasa is 18 instead of 15 and Annie is 19 instead of 16. Even aged-up, they’re still pretty young for having seen what they’ve seen, so whatever. 
> 
> Without further adieu, let’s bring on this weird Mikannie choose-your-own-story.  
> I hope you all enjoy it.

The sun was baking her face.  
  
A hawk cried out somewhere above her and Annie lazily squinted up at the cloudless sky to look for it. She should probably get up from the rock to seek out some shade before she burned, but just the thought of moving felt like too much effort. A sunburn wouldn’t last long on her anyway. Her seat on the stony outcrop midway up the cliff gave her the perfect view of the carts and pedestrians filing into the sandy pit below, where the old wooden bones of the academy buildings waited to receive them. Grown men and women donning pristine military uniforms were scattered among a sea of scruffy-looking teenagers as they marched down the path. Most them where around her own age at around fifteen or sixteen years old. Some of them chatted excitedly with one another, while others simply seemed relieved to have it to the camp in one piece. They had been steadily trickling in like this in all morning and the grounds were filling up with eager faces ready to learn to play soldier.  
  
This was going to be a long three years.  
  
Annie brushed a pebble off the ledge beside her, bored and wishing that she had thought to bring a book along with her. At the time, she had only been thinking about escaping to somewhere quiet where no one would harass her into making idle chit-chat. Lugging her rucksack up with her had seemed unnecessarily taxing, so she had opted to leave it down below. She was just about to give in and make her way back down when a harsh cry brought her attention back to the new arrivals.  
  
There was a brown-haired boy lying in the dirt beside a stopped carriage. He was obviously complaining and shouting angrily at another boy who looked entirely unapologetic. Though she could not make out what it was that brunette was saying, Annie guess that he must’ve been knocked from the back of the cart. A short, gangly blonde boy seemed to be attempting to pacify both the irate boy shaking the dust from his tunic and a dark-haired girl - who seemed to have appeared from no where - that was making her way threateningly towards the supposed-assailant. Almost faster than she could blink, the girl flipped the boy over the side of the cart and laid him out flat on the ground. The other children eyed her warily as she offered her hand to the loudmouthed brunette and pulled the grumbling boy back into the cart as it started to move again. Annie pulled a leg up to her chest, wrapping an arm around her shin and resting her chin on her knee as she watched them critically. It seemed as if the boy was growling at the girl now for helping him out – the ungrateful little shit.  
  
What a waste of energy.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
The women’s bunkhouse was loud for the moderate amount of people that were revealed to be inside when she pulled the squeaky door open and stepped in out of the sun. The room was made-up entirely of grainy wood and exposed beams. There was a very long pair of bunks that ran along both sides of the wall that Annie was decidedly unenthusiastic about as it meant that the other girls in the camp would be sleeping next to her on the long pallet. Annie silently marched towards the back, ignoring the friendly greetings from several girls until she was at in the far corner by the window. At least here she’d the wall as one of her bedfellows, rather than suffer being sandwiched between two stupid teenagers. She tossed her rucksack onto the edge of the bed and simply looked at the mousy-looking girl already seated there.  
  
“You - move.”  
  
“What? But I…” The girl began, trailing off as Annie continued to blankly stare her down.  
  
There’s a moment of silence where the girl first looked confused and then unsettled the longer Annie refused to elaborate. Finally, the girl moved over, crawling along the pallet until she was a safe enough distance away to clamber off and claim a new space on the other side of the room. Annie released a satisfied huff of air and lay on the bed.  
More girls continued to trickle into the room until the annoying buzz of excited voices became something more akin to a dull roar. It was starting to become crowded and a bit too claustrophobic for Annie’s liking. Several girls had attempted to pull her into conversation with the intention of occupying the space next to her, but just like the first girl, they soon grew unsettled her blank stare and stubborn refusal to engage with them. Instead, they moved off to find more welcoming refuge elsewhere.  
  
Suddenly, there was a muted thump as a bag was dropped onto the floor near her and a rustling sound as its owner began shifting through it. Annie prepared herself for another silent showdown, opening her eyes at the sound of fabric shifting as the other person began to pull clothing from the sack. Her eyes fell onto the bowed head of the raven-haired girl in front of here and took a mental step-back.  
  
It was the girl from before – the one with the loud-mouth and the scrawny kid.  
  
As if she could sense Annie staring, the girl looks up and meets her eyes. The girl’s eyes were dark and strong. Annie got the feeling that she had likely seen more hardships than the rest of the kids in this room combined – herself omitted. She wouldn’t be able to intimidate this girl into crowding into another area like an overstuffed can of sardines. Hell, something in this girl’s aura told her that she might even be able to challenge her for the coveted corner space if she were so inclined and Annie couldn’t say with absolute certainty that she would be able to stop her. A tense second passed before Annie realized that a fight wouldn’t be necessary. Unlike her, the girl wasn’t interested in forcing her out. The girl shot her a quick nod and returned her attention to sorting through her possessions.  
  
“Mikasa!” Someone shouted. “Eren wants you!”  
  
The girl, Mikasa, seemed mildly annoyed at the interruption, but she stood and picked up the bright red scarf that Annie only just now cared to notice had been folded neatly on the pallet futon beside her. Gracefully fingers wrapped the soft-looking fabric around Mikasa’s neck and tied it in a movement the Annie found somewhat hypnotic and difficult to look away from. The girl was almost unfairly pretty, Annie thought as Mikasa left the rest of her things on the bed and made her way toward the door. Annie could just barely make out the squealing sound of the door as Mikasa disappeared through it. She spared a glance at Mikasa’s things before she turned away, eyes closing once more.

Oh well.  
  
At least she was quiet.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
They were so loud.  
  
Annie distractedly popped the head off the dandelion she was fiddling with, watching as the other children mingled. Every once and a while, she’d catch a movement in the corner of her eye as one of them would move around, trying to catch her attention to invite her to join them. She resolutely ignored them in favor of yanking another dandelion free from the small patch of them that she was sitting in. She leaned back against the rough exterior of the building and revelled in the meager bit of shade that it proffered her.  
  
After that first night, Annie had hoped that she had unsettled enough of the others with her abrupt refusal to engage with them that they would give-up and leave her alone. It didn’t seem right – befriending them. She wasn’t like Reiner and Bertolt who seemed all too willing to immerse themselves completely into the group and pretend that they were one of them. If she was going to be responsible for tearing their world apart in the end, then getting to know them wasn’t going to do her any good.  
Besides, she was never fantastic at making friends to begin with.  
  
As the pre-drill crowd grew, the sound of their enthusiasm grew with it until Annie felt that she was in danger of a headache. Feeling annoyed, Annie popped the head off the second dandelion perhaps a bit too aggressively, watching as it sailed in a perfect arch and bounced against the toe of Mikasa’s boot. Mikasa, who was already heading in her direction, ended-up kicking the bud back at her.  
  
“Apologies,” Mikasa said before taking a seat beside her in the shade and crossing her arms. Annie plucked the weed from her hair sourly and shot Mikasa an acrid glare that was completely ineffective. Mikasa ignored her, reclining against the building and closing her eyes.  
  
“Shouldn’t you be babying your boyfriend instead of sitting over here?”  
  
“Brother,” Mikasa stated in quick form.  
  
“What?”  
  
“Eren is my brother, not my boyfriend.”  
  
“O-kay,” Annie said with a raised eyebrow, “shouldn’t you be babying your brother, then.”  
  
“Eren is fine for the moment.”  
  
Annie resisted the urge to growl. Surely, the other girl recognized that she wasn’t welcome, but she seemed content to linger anyway. Annie crushed the dandelion head between her fingers, watching as the pollen stained her fingertips a vibrant yellow; she felt a bit childish after briefly entertaining the idea of smearing it on Mikasa’s clean, white pants.  
  
Annie glanced over at Mikasa. Her hair was shorter. She had noticed the other girl cutting it behind the bunkhouse with a pair of borrowed scissors and a compact mirror before roll-call this morning. Annie was impressed with how well she had done without the aid. Her hair now fell to just below her jawline. It suited her.  
  
After a few minutes of silence, it didn’t seem as if Mikasa were going to continue speaking, so Annie allowed herself to relax. Lately, it seemed as if company meant the added stress of forced small-talk. Annie honestly couldn’t remember the last time that she simply sat with someone in true companionable silence; it was probably home in Liberio with her father. During her training with the Marley military, she had been content to be peacefully ignored by her peers, but even that had become tainted with a certain undercurrent of tension after Marcel’s death two years prior. If Mikasa was just going to sit there and keep quiet, then so be it.  
  
It was actually kind of nice.  
  
She heard a soft huff of breath and realized that Mikasa had fallen asleep. Well, there. She technically couldn’t be breaking any of her strict ‘no unnecessary socializing’ policies if half of their party was unconscious. Annie hadn’t realized that the din of their peers had lessened until they started getting rowdy again and she caught herself hoping that it wouldn’t be enough to wake the dozing girl beside her - if only because she was considering following suit and taking a nap of her own, of course.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
“If you don’t wanna get even shorter than you already are… remember what it was like when you came here and put your serious hat on,” Reiner said, haughtily. Annie could tell that Eren was confused by the strange taunt, but she was instantly too angry to care. How dare that piece of shit bring-up Marcel and question her own conviction to carry out the mission. She lifted her fists in response to his challenge and waited for one of them to charge her with their ridiculous wooden dagger. If she threw Eren a little harder than necessary just to scare Reiner before giving him the same treatment, then neither of them bring it up.  
  
Annie caught Mikasa glowering at her from across the yard. She took her leave of them after spouting some shit about the hypocritical state of the system. She put the conversation out of mind until dinner when she was reminded of it by Eren practically screaming her words at Jean like some sort of aggressive parrot. Mikasa seemed less than impressed with Jean's lack of response, which seemed to spur the boy into action. He grabbed Eren’s collar in a jealous rage. Then, in a move that both surprised and impressed her, she watched as Eren used her move from earlier to pacify Jean.  
  
“This trick I just used is a martial art move I went through hell to pick up while you were out there chilling,” Eren said. The room was dead silent, every other conversation in the room having died out. “A life of spent in indolence, following your every whim – that’s your idea of reality? And yet… somehow… you still dare call yourself a soldier?”  
  
Huh.  
  
There might be a bit more to that loud-mouthed idiot than she thought. Suddenly, Mikasa’s blind devotion to Eren didn’t seem quite so undeserving… well, no. She still thought it was something of a waste, but Annie still felt a sliver of pride for having taught the boy something useful. Perhaps she would be willing to teach him the proper way to use her technique in the future.  
  
“What was that huge noise that I heard a couple of minutes ago?” Shadis asked, his imposing aura crept into the mess hall through a crack in the door. Despite herself, Annie felt a trickle of amusement as Mikasa raised her hand and blamed the incident on a large fart from Sasha. Annie transported her empty plate to the kitchen and went to bed in uncharacteristically high spirits.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Mikasa was dangerous.  
  
From the moment that they first locked eyes, Annie recognized that Mikasa was someone that they needed to keep an eye on. Now though… it’s the only time that she can remember ever – almost - wishing that she had been unable to read someone correctly. If her memory served her well (which it always did), then ‘unprecedented genius’ was what one of their instructors had called her after their first week of training had concluded. The girl was as quick-witted as she was sure-footed, and she moved with an ethereal grace that occasionally had Annie questioning whether Mikasa was actually human at all. She could honestly say that she wasn’t looking forward to the day when this girl knew that they were supposed to be enemies.  
  
Frequently, Annie had to remind herself not to stare. Her subconscious seemed to demand that she keep tabs on the other girl, which she supposed would be fine, if it weren’t for the fact that her eyes seemed to drift in Mikasa’s direction whenever she lost focus.  
  
This was not one of those times.  
  
“I’ve memorized the move, so let me go already!” Eren shouted at her through the choke-hold she currently had him locked in.  
  
“Really…? Want to learn more of the same?” She managed before rippling sound of the wind on a flying body forced her to make a hasty retreat. Reiner landed heavily on top of Eren, dragging a pained grunt from both.  
  
“Hey, Annie” Mikasa said as she approached her threateningly from behind. “Why don’t you teach those moves to me as well?”  
  
“Well, I don’t know about that… these moves are intended for humans to use, you see… I really don’t think someone like yourself needs them at all,” She answered, cautiously. Annie stood up and slid into position in preparation for what she assumed would be fairly vicious altercation, judging by the expression on Mikasa’s face. “But… I’m curious if they even work on a beast.”  
  
_‘Hey, hey… are they really gonna fight it out?’_  
  
_‘It’s like a match-up from a dream…’_  
  
_‘W-which one is going to take it…?’_  
  
_‘I think it’s gonna be Annie.’_  
  
_‘Huh? Are you stupid?! I bet my whole dinner on Mikasa!’_  
  
Annie let the excited voices of their peers as they placed their bets fade into the background. She hadn’t been lying – Annie really had been curious how her technique would stand-up against the girl with the steady gaze and deadly aura. Ethereal grace. Annie laughed at herself - no, Mikasa really was more like a beast.  
  
“Stop.”  
  
Shadis’ voice cut through the air like a knife, halting the pair in their tracks just as Mikasa made to charge her. The instructor cast a cold glance between the two of them, apparently sensing the danger in allowing them to proceed. The potential for serious injury was a constant and unavoidable risk when training to fight titans. People died at the academy – not everyday, mind you – but it happened often enough that the administration wasn’t exactly bothered by it. Still, it wouldn’t due to let his two most promising pupils dismantle each other in a bloody dogfight.  
  
“Exercises will conclude here for the day,” He said in a tone that brooked no room for argument. “I would also like to remind you all that extracurricular fights will not be tolerated so long as you all are part of this establishment.”  
  
Annie lowered her arms and watched as Mikasa let her form drop as well. The crowd around them hesitated before giving up and leaving to tend to their own business. Eren and Armin slowly picked their way toward Mikasa and tried to lead her away. Mikasa refused, instead holding Annie still in an intense stare-down until the four of them were the only souls left in the clearing. She seemed loath to back down first, but Armin’s insistent tugging on her shirt sleeve finally got to her. Mikasa narrowed her eyes menacingly at her one last time before finally allowing her friends to whisk her away.  
  
Another time, then.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
It was a few days later, when Mikasa had Annie cornered in the kitchen that she wondered whether ‘another time’ had arrived sooner than she anticipated. Mikasa slammed the door and drew a ring from her breast pocket, which she extended out to Annie after explaining that she believed it to be hers. As Annie reached out to relieve her of it, Mikasa quickly released the ring’s hidden blade.  
  
“What is this?”  
  
“… a self-defense mechanism,” Annie answered with some reluctance. Mikasa looked skeptical and questioned what need someone of her skill level would have with such a tool. Annie gripped the knife she had been using to peel the potatoes tightly before responding, “My parents… worry a lot, you see. They’re sending their daughter off to a foreign land. So as parents, they wanted me to bring along anything for self-defense. Even if that thing is… completely useless. Aren’t your parents the same as well?”  
  
“I have no parents,” Mikasa answered, voice flat and a sudden stab of… something… caused Annie’s next words to fall unbidden from her mouth, “Were they… killed by titans?”  
  
“No. They were not.”  
  
The wash of relief that Mikasa’s words brought her allowed her to place the previous emotion as guilt – she had feared that she was responsible for their deaths. The respite from the reveal was short-lived, however, as she reminded herself that she was accountable for deaths of hundreds of other people’s parents and loved ones. She apologized for saying something strange and was met with a quick head shake from Mikasa before the ring was passed back to her.  
  
“Anyway, I don’t want you sparring with Eren when you are wearing that dangerous ring, that’s all.”  
  
Ah, there it is – Mikasa seeking her out from concern for her brother made much more sense than her doing so out of any real desire to understand Annie’s motivations. Annie reassured her of Eren’s safety and informed her that she rarely wore the device. Assuming the matter was then settled, she was surprised when Mikasa paused at the door.  
“Why are you in this place?”  
  
“I already told you,” Annie began, slightly mystified, “I’m on kitchen duty.”  
  
“No. I’m asking you why are you at this training camp,” Mikasa said, harshly. Annie tried to recite her usual spiel about joining the military police to live a comfortable life, noting that Mikasa obviously held different reasons for joining the military, but the attempt was rebuked, “I think others want to get away because they are afraid of the titans or they want to live in luxury… and some want to devote themselves to the king too. You are… neither of these things. You have no choice but to do so – that’s how I see it.  
  
“Annie,” Mikasa continued, “What is it… that is burdening you?”  
  
“… everyone is burdened by something, aren’t they? Mine aren’t that different from any of theirs,” Annie said, finally. She felt a little taken aback by the attention Mikasa had been obviously been paying her without her notice. She took her time to form an appropriate response that wasn’t incriminating, but she thought might still satisfy the other girl.  
  
“This thing… might be insignificant and completely useless… but, I don’t think I can throw it out easily. In its own way, it was made to serve some kind of role,” Annie told her, taking the ring back out and holding it up so that she could see her reflection off the band’s surface. Despite its size, the trinket felt heavy - the purpose behind its design lending it extra weight. “That’s why I can’t become… heartless to that. Even if… it has a really trivial role… that no one cares about. Perhaps that is… the problem that is burdening me.”  
  
“…It would be useful in situations that are too much for your close combat to handle,” Mikasa conceded as she opened the door one last time. Her voice drifted back as the latch clicked shut, “I pray that you won’t ever end up in one.”  
  
“Yes, I hope for that as well,” Annie muttered tiredly into the empty kitchen, imagining how many people would likely lose their lives if – when – she had to use this ring. “I really… hope so from the bottom of my heart.”  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Annie noticed that Mikasa seemed to be keeping a much closer eye on her after that. She half-wondered if the girl’s aggressive protectiveness towards her adoptive sibling meant that she had somehow misconstrued the meaning behind their conversation. The blonde didn’t honestly believe that where the case (Annie had seen Mikasa facing off against people who had placed Eren in jeopardy and her blank expression was usually much more threatening), but knowing that Mikasa’s incessant staring lacked malice certainly did make it more difficult to fall asleep at night. She gritted her and mentally rehearsed her fabricated backstory just to distract herself from the feeling of a set of eyes boring hole into the back of her head while they lay in bed. Honestly, she had to skip out on lunch early just because she couldn’t stand being stared at any longer. Now, she was holed-up the classroom, reading - an hour early for their next lesson on titan ethology.  
  
“Here.”  
  
A palm-sized parcel wrapped in thin twine landed on top of the book she had been reading. The brown paper coating crinkled a little when she lifted it for inspection. Finally, she looked toward the door where Mikasa was leaning against the framework and merely quirked an eyebrow.  
  
“It’s an apple tart,” Mikasa said. “A farmer stopped by the meal hall and dropped some off after lunch.”  
  
“Why?”  
  
“I don’t know – something about giving back and supporting the future troops.”  
  
“No, I mean, why did you bring me this?”  
  
“Someone mentioned that you enjoyed sweets,” Mikasa said, shrugging as if that somehow explained why she would go out of her way to do bring her one, “so I saved you some before Sasha ate it all.”  
  
“Oh, thank you.”  
  
Mikasa jerked her head in a quick nod. Obviously deciding that the conversation was over, she straightened and departed. Annie watched her go before curiously turning her attention to the small package in front of her. She plucked lightly at the strings, feeling a little off-balance. They were half way through their training here and Annie was certain that she had never seen Mikasa pay so much attention to the preferences of anyone other than Eren or maybe Armin. She wondered if she should be concerned about this and she hesitated opening it for several minutes, debating whether she should hunt Mikasa down and force her to take the treat back. No, that would probably be even more strange and uncomfortable than pretending the whole thing was something that Mikasa would do for any of the other trainees in their year. Who knows, it’s not like Annie’s own curiosity about the girl meant that she payed attention to Mikasa all the time – maybe Mikasa would do something like this for some of the other cadets. Annie ignored the voice telling her that she was being deliberately obtuse.  
  
Ah, screw it.  
  
Annie jerked harshly on one of the knot-strings, loosening the bindings enough to allow her to pull the wrappings back. Golden brown with a sticky-looking glaze, the apple tart seemed to beg to be eaten. It would be her first time eating something like this since scaling wall Maria almost four years previous.  
  
Annie gently lifted the pastry and took a bite – it was no longer warm, but it tasted sweet and she almost choked on the sudden rush of homesickness. Her father had bought her something similar once just after she was selected as one of the promising cadets to potentially inherit the power of the titans. Still slightly hungry from her rushed lunch, she finished it a few quick bites before leaning back in her chair and gazing out the window. She bet that her father would buy her several of these when she finished her mission and wondered how long it would be until that happened. Stubbornly, she tried not to think what that would mean for Mikasa and the others that she’s met here so far.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
“You talk in your sleep.”  
  
Slowly, Annie opened her eyes and found that she was again being watched. The dark strands of Mikasa’s hair were spread messily across her pillow, standing out in stark contrast against the bright white fabric. Somehow, even her sleep-worn appearance did nothing to detract from the intensity of presence – if that wasn’t a talent, Annie didn’t know what was.  
  
“Rude. I could’ve still been sleeping. You might have woken me up, just now.”  
  
“But you weren’t,” Mikasa said, frankly. Annie supposed that was true – she guessed that she had been lying there for, maybe, a half-hour or so before she bothered opening her eyes. When she remained silent, Mikasa repeated herself, “You talk in your sleep.”  
  
“And?” Annie asked, feeling a sliver of trepidation at what she may have said.  
  
“And nothing – you just said ‘whoosh,’” Mikasa said, seemingly ignoring the hesitance that Annie is certain that the intuitive girl must have seen in her expression. “I’m just wondering what you dream about. You say it a lot – whoosh.”  
  
“Oh,” Annie muttered. She hasn’t revealed anything that could compromise their mission then – that’s a relief. Mikasa was still gazing unblinkingly at her awaiting a real answer. She would have to tell her something. Annie couldn’t see the harm in indulging her a little with the truth, “I dream about practicing kicks on trees.”  
  
“That’s an odd thing to dream about.”  
  
“Not really,” Annie said, turning over to lay on her back. There was a slight flaw in the wood plank above her where a large knot had created a hole that revealed the mattress in the bunk above them. Annie lifted her hand to poke at it, but it was too far away. “My father would often have me practice my kicks on trees. I used to spend hours doing that – kicking trees until my legs were swollen.”  
  
“Why?”  
  
“Probably because the trees were sturdier than his legs,” Annie answered, knowing that likely wasn’t the question that Mikasa had been posing. She glanced at Mikasa without turning her head and noted a faint furrow between the girl’s eyebrows as she silently analyzed the side of Annie’s face. Finally, Mikasa answered with a simple, “you’re strange.”  
  
“Perhaps… but so are you. May I ask you a question now?” Annie said, rolling back onto her side to face her. Mikasa said nothing, so Annie took it as leave to continue, “Your parents – you said that titans weren’t responsible for killing them… What happened?”  
  
She knew that she was probably overstepping about fifty boundaries here. The walls that Mikasa had constructed around herself were just about as tall as the combined might of walls Maria, Rose, and Sina. Annie had no right to inquire about the – likely gruesome – manner of the other girl’s parent’s deaths. The two of them weren’t that close – she didn’t want them to be – but Annie was curious and feeling curiosity in regards to the lives of others wasn’t a sensation that she was used to.  She couldn’t seem to prevent herself from speculating on the innumerable possibilities that could have come together to create the stoic prodigy in front of her.  
  
Ah well, it was too late to pull the question back now. Mikasa’s eyebrows were truly furrowed now with her mouth set into a hard line. She was quiet for long enough that Annie considered telling her that she didn’t need to answer before Mikasa finally responded flatly, “Three men forced their way into our home and killed them. They intended to sell my mother and me to the underground, but she fought back. One of them struck her with an axe.”  
  
Holy shit, that was not what she had been expecting.  
  
“…I’m sorry,” Annie said when she had recovered herself. “I shouldn’t have asked you to relive that.”  
  
“This world… is a callous and merciless place,” Mikasa said, shaking her head slightly in response, “where the strong prey on the weak and all living creatures must fight to survive in a constant, unending power struggle. Things like fairness can’t be relied on because it does not really exist. This world is cruel. But… if there were such a thing as justice, then I think that my parents did receive it.”  
  
_Ah._  
  
_Because you killed those men._  
  
As soon as the thought struck her, Annie knew it was true. She thought on Mikasa’s demeanor and found that she wasn’t all that shocked to think that this girl could take a life without hesitation when necessary; however, she was a little surprised that fate had warranted she do so at such a young age.  
  
Although Annie wasn’t sure how exactly child-Mikasa had managed do it, she found that she was glad that those men were dead. It seemed that those people who would selfishly devalue and monetize the lives and liberties of others existed everywhere, even in those places, such as this, that were supposed to be a paradise. The Marley weren’t entirely wrong – there were demons here. There were demons everywhere. This world was indeed a cruel place.  
  
“We should get up,” Mikasa said, abruptly changing the subject and sitting up in the bed. Annie imagined that she could almost see the ghosts clinging to Mikasa’s shoulders getting shaken off as she flipped the covers back and slid her feet down onto the cold floor, “the others are starting to wake up.”  
  
Annie propped herself up on one elbow and took in the sluggish movements of their fellow cadets as they struggled to ready themselves for the day. That’s right – they had a 15-km run in their full gear scheduled for this afternoon.  
  
What a pain.  
  
When Annie finally convinced herself to leave the warmth of the futon, Mikasa had already managed to tame her arguably impressive case of bedhead and was at work pulling on her boots. Annie thought she heard Mikasa mention something about how Annie should hurry to the mess hall as she would not be saving her food from Sasha again before setting off for the door – off to harass her brother into action for the same reasons, Annie was sure.  
  
Most of the other trainees had finished eating and were leaving to take-in the last dregs of their free time before drills started when she finally made to breakfast. True to form, Sasha and the others had cleared out most of the spread before she got there and she silently cursed herself for her lack of motivation in the mornings.  
  
“Here you are, dear,” A plump, older woman with kind eyes (whose name Annie had never bothered to learn) placed a blueberry muffin on her plate. Annie knew that the woman had worked in the kitchens since her arrival at the camp, but she had never payed her any mind. The woman waved off Annie’s attempt to thank her by saying, “you should save your thanks for that pretty, young girl, Mikasa – she was the one that asked me to set one of these aside for you.”  
  
_‘So much for letting me starve if I was late,’_ Annie thought as she left - belly full - and made her way back to the barracks to gather her equipment for the run.  
  
What she aught to have done was tell Mikasa that she didn’t need help and that she should stop concerning herself with whether Annie got her share at mealtimes; instead, she simply offered the girl a curt nod when she met her in the bunkhouse and tried desperately not acknowledge the dull flush of heat in the tips of her ears when she was graced with a small smile in return.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
As time passed, Annie and Mikasa seemed to come to some sort of unspoken agreement. Annie would refrain from causing Eren any serious injuries during training and Mikasa would… continue doing whatever the hell it was that she was doing.  
  
Annie had always found talking to people to be too bothersome, so she more often than not opted to blend into the background to watch instead. After a lifetime of doing this, she liked to think that she had gotten very good at reading between the lines and took a small slice of pride in her ability to recognize when a person may have an ulterior motive for doing something. Mikasa - for all her food-saving, pointed questions, and companionable silences – never seemed to have any serious ulterior motives and Annie had resigned herself to the fact that she was going to let it continue. To do otherwise just seemed exhausting and she had no desire to put much effort into fighting the tide.  
  
Their instructors took note that Annie found Mikasa marginally more tolerable than the rest of the cadets. While her aptitude for teamwork still left much to be desired, her performance in group coordinated efforts did improve slightly when the two of them were paired together; thus, they worked together often.  
  
“Look – there.”  
  
A lock of hair slipped free from behind Mikasa’s ear as she bent down to look at the impression in the soil. It was starting to grow long again and Annie imagined that Mikasa would likely cut it back soon. A puff of wind blew the loose stands in a manner Annie found distracting and made her foolishly wish that she could reach out and fix it.  
  
“I think they’re hoping to obscure their footprints by taking a detour through the river.”  
  
Annie considered this, following the prints with her eyes as they lead down a hill and toward the edge of the woods. She mentally calculated the direction in relation to what she remembered from the map. Shadis had split all of them into pairs and unleashed them two teams at a time into areas with varying terrain. The aim was for one team to track the other down before they made it to a predetermined check point.  
  
“Makes sense – they’re on foot and there aren’t any trees down there that are large enough for us to use our 3D maneuver gear,” Annie said. “We’ll have to go around through the canyon if we want to have any hope of catching up and cutting them off.”  
  
“We would need to expend a lot of gas to get the speed necessary to complete that route. There would be no room for error.”  
  
“Are you expecting to make a mistake, Ackerman?”  
  
“No, but I think it would be thoughtless not to account for any.”  
  
“Well, what would you suggest, then?”  
  
“We take the passage east through the oak forest. The distance is comparable to the canyon, but we won’t be stuck at the bottom of a ravine if we run out of gas,” Mikasa said, drawing a crude map in the dirt; Annie admitted that it was a fair point. “We might still be able to catch them from there on foot.”  
  
“Alright.”  
  
Mikasa took the proffered hand and allowed herself to be pulled to her feet.  
  
………………..  
  
“Are you a savage?” Annie said derisively may hours later as Mikasa yanked at hole in her jacket sleeve. Easily tearing the fabric as if it were made of paper, the dark-haired woman didn’t stop until she had created a split that ran all the way up to Annie’s shoulder. The blonde lifted her arm to temporarily inspect the enormous gash that ran along the length of her newly exposed forearm before Mikasa’s hand was on her wrist like a vice, dragging it away from her. She hissed as half a litre of cool water was upturned over the wound.  
  
“That was stupid of you,” Mikasa looked somewhat perturbed as she spoke, not looking up from Annie’s arm. Her movements were more mechanical than normal, but her hands remained steady as she set the canteen aside and dragged her bag closer to them. “What you did – you shouldn’t have.”  
  
“You're welcome,” Annie replied, feeling tetchy.  
  
They had taken the forest route as per Mikasa’s suggestion without incident and found the remains of a recent campground along the riverbed. The exercise should have proceeded smoothly from there, but they weren’t familiar with the other team and had neglected to consider that they might resort to extreme measures when facing-off against the academy’s elite. Annie was pretty sure that creating a spring-loaded trap with an ODM blade was against the rules, but she was also certain that the administration likely wouldn’t care to do anything about it. As Mikasa bent to inspect the prints around the fire, Annie heard a metallic click and the whorl of quick-moving rope and her body shifted into autopilot. Lurching forward, she only just managed to wrap an arm around Mikasa’s shoulders and jerk her back as sword came flying through the underbrush. The blade tore through the flesh of Annie’s forearm, missing Mikasa’s neck by inches.  
  
Annie blinked the memory away.  
  
A first aid kit had appeared in Mikasa’s hands. She ruffled through it for several seconds until she found what she was searching for – a needle and thread. Annie held back a groan. She had no way to tell the other woman that stitches wouldn’t be necessary. The wound was much too deep to heal properly with bandages alone – at least, it would be for any normal human. She was currently suppressing the enhanced healing abilities granted to her as a titan-shifter to belay suspicion, but she knew that she could heal the laceration within moments if she so chose. Annie was no stranger to pain, but that didn’t mean that she was a masochist. She prepared herself for a rough evening.  
  
………………..  
  


“You’re good at that,” Annie pointed out, impressed. Mikasa worked methodically passing the needle through skin until the gaping areas until were closed into an almost seamless line. When she was finished, the line was cut and the needle traded for a roll of clean cotton cloth. Gentle fingers wound the bandage around the injured limb until it was concealed beneath a comfortable layer of snug material.  
  
“Everyone should be – we all received the same training,” Mikasa said, instantly causing Annie to stiffen and feel foolish. Mikasa minutely lifted her head to look at her before continuing, “When we were younger… Armin frequently got picked on. Eren would often run in to help him… I had to patch the two of them up a lot.”  
  
Annie felt herself relax.  
  
“After you beat-up their attackers, you mean.”  
  
“… yes, after that.”  
  
“My, you really are a beast, Ackerman,” She said. The light was staring to wane. It made it difficult to distinguish whether colour in Mikasa’s cheeks was the result of Annie’s words or simply a reflection of the fiery sunset. Without really understanding why, Annie felt compelled to add, “I… can’t say that I’ve ever met someone like you.”  
  
“I could say the same thing about you,” Mikasa said, receiving a questioning eyebrow in return. “Sometimes, you’re a contradiction, Annie. The things you say… the way you act… they make you seem like you don’t care about anything, but… there are times, like today, that show that’s not true. You keep your distance to keep from getting hurt, I think.”  
  
Annie felt exposed and a little vulnerable when Mikasa finally looked up to hold her gaze.  
  
“You have secrets, Annie,” Mikasa said, the corner of her lips quirking slightly into a rare smile. The clear affection in Mikasa’s eyes made her chest feel tight – because when did that appear? How could she have missed it before now? “Someday… I hope that you will tell me what they are.”  
  
_…you really shouldn’t wish for that, Mikasa._  
  
“Someday… you will know.”  
  
_It was inevitable, after all._  
  
Annie felt a little sick as Mikasa nodded, apparently satisfied enough to let the matter drop. She returned their medical supplies to the rucksack. She stood and placed a placating hand on Annie’s shoulder as the blonde moved to follow her.  
  
“No - rest, Annie,” She said in a tone that Annie thought was much kinder than she deserved, “I’ll take first watch.”  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Fuck, it was cold.  
  
After two years of training with the academy, Annie could honestly say that winter training was by far the worst. A violent shiver wracked her frame and she miserably pulled her blanket tighter around her. Some incompetent moron had forgot to restock the camp’s stock of firewood the last time that they had been here. They had burned the meager scraps in the supply shed about an hour ago and temperature in the drafty bunkhouse had been steadily dropping ever since. She would need to figure out a better plan for keeping warm soon.  
  
The training grounds in the mountains had a slightly different architecture than they had grown accustomed to in the valley as it favored individual beds rather than long pallets. Annie cast a longing look at her soaked jacket, which she had hung to dry on the back of the desk chair between their bunk beds; it wouldn’t be any help to her tonight. She then let her gaze drift over a few feet to the right to an equally unhappy-looking Mikasa in the bottom bed next to her.  
  
… _fine._  
  
“What are you doing?” Mikasa asked as Annie rose from her bed and strode over to her. Annie cursed internally as her sock-feet caught on the rough floorboards and she removed the quilt from her shoulders, hissing as her thin hoodie did little to combat the bust of icy air. She threw the bedding over Mikasa before climbing into the narrow bed with her.  
  
“I’m not freezing to death in my sleep tonight – move over,” Annie growled, somewhat irritably. She allowed herself a moment to relish Mikasa’s surprised expression as the other girl shuffled to try and accommodate her. She felt the eyes of some of the other girls in the room on her back. From the corner of her eye, she saw a few of them rise to follow her lead and seek their peers for warmth.  
  
“I can’t move over anymore without falling out of the bed. Here, just-” Mikasa stopped talking and brought her hands up to Annie’s shoulders, prodding at her until Annie turned around to present her back. Mikasa then inched closer and slipped an arm around the petite blonde.  
  
“Hey!”  
  
“It was your idea.”  
  
“To share heat – not spoon.”  
  
“It’s the only way to stop one or both of us from falling during the night,” Mikasa said. Her grip on the smaller girl turned to iron as Annie fidgeted and tried to escape the cage of her arms, “Stop moving around and let me sleep.”  
  
Annie snarled at her one last time before giving in. She was quite a bit warmer than before - in more ways than one. Her ears burned. She could feel Mikasa’s warmth leaching into her back and the other girl’s breath tickling the hairs on the back of her neck. Annie tried and failed to swallow the desert in her mouth. She wasn’t used to people being this close to her.  
  
Well, at least she wouldn’t be freezing to death in her sleep tonight.  
  
…possibly because that would entail falling asleep in the first place.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Mikasa seemed to take what happened in the mountains as more of an invitation than a necessary one-off moment of closeness. When they returned to valley, Annie thought nothing of it at first when Mikasa crawled into bed and laid down a bit closer than before. The first two mornings she woke-up to a face full of black hair, she told herself that the other woman had finally grown weary of getting kicked in the side by Sasha every other night. It wasn’t until the third night, when she groggily awoke sometime before dawn, attempted to rise and found herself trapped in another steely embrace that she realized their sleeping arrangement might be becoming a problem.  
  
“Mikasa, what do you think you are doing?”  
  
“Sleeping.”  
  
“Unhand me.”  
  
“No.”  
  
“Why?”  
  
“You’re warm and I’m comfortable.”  
  
“Dammit, Mikasa!”  
  
“Annie, go back to sleep.”  
  
She felt unsettled as a sudden sense of déjà vu crept in on her. Their hissed argument filled the dark room, falling on deaf ears as the other occupants continued sleeping unaware. Annie let them run in circles until the repetitiveness got to her and she was too exhausted to continue. Honestly, she was feeling pretty comfortable herself and didn’t really want Mikasa to let go – something that she assumed Mikasa was aware of given her flat refusal to back away and her willingness to blearily debate with Annie until the latter finally fell silent. Annie felt a little miffed to realize that the other woman was humoring her. She grumbled lowly as she drifted off to the feel of Mikasa’s fingers carding through her hair.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Annie shuffled restlessly under the thin wool blanket. It wasn’t that she was uncomfortable – all things considered, the ground was relatively softer than usual from the moss – but something was preventing her from falling to sleep. It wasn’t fair – she was exhausted. Her body screamed at her in frustration. Shadis had seen it fit to send her on solo practice mission, saying it suited her and was something that she would likely be doing a lot of once she graduated. He had hung a flag somewhere within a 100 km of the base and she had spent the entire day riding from village to village trying to gather enough information to pinpoint its location. It was the biggest pain in the ass.  
  
A gentle breeze swept in, rattling brittle fall leaves and flicking a few golden strands of hair into her face. She closed her eyes and tilted her chin up to soak it in when a thought struck her like a blow to the ribs - she knew why she was having a rough time falling asleep.  
  
Something – no, someone – was missing.  
  
Annie shivered. This was bad – how could she let her self stray so far from her task that she could allow something like this to happen. She was supposed to be the cool, calculating one. Now where what she? Unable to sleep because Mikasa wasn’t there to make annoying breathy sounds into her ear? Honestly, getting attached to someone could quite possibly be the worst thing that she could have done on this mission. She couldn’t for the life of her figure out how she could have just stood by and let it happen.  
  
_‘That’s not important anymore,’_ she thought as got up and gathered her things - certain that she wouldn’t be getting any rest tonight. _‘What’s important is that you know now. You’ll start distancing yourself and when we graduate next week, then everything will be back to normal – no harm done.’_  
  
No harm done… she just wished she could believe it.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
She was so exhausted. She felt like a zombie.  
  
Evading Mikasa was turning out to be quite the feat. Luckily, Shadis had continued with his sudden interest in sending her on dummy recon missions, so Annie had been fairly successful in steering clear of black-haired woman thus far. Unfortunately, her sleep schedule had not faired quite so well. She had taken to avoiding the bunkhouse during regular sleeping hours to prevent herself from falling back into the same cycle. At first, she had tried spreading her camping pad out and napping in whatever comfortable-looking location where she wouldn’t be caught, but she never seemed to be able to grab more than a couple restless hours at a time.  
  
Eventually, she decided that if she were going to be awake, then she might as well be doing something useful. One night, she slipped from the camp once the torches were extinguished and left for the interior to gather intel on the monarchy.  
  
It had been a long time – three years, in fact – since she had been here, yet Sina’s towering brick alleyways felt just as claustrophobic as ever. Annie footsteps echoed off the walls and she peeked around the corner at the man in the black coat strolling casually away from her.  
  
_‘If I follow him and see where he’s going…’_ She thought. _‘I might even reach the king of the walls…’_  
  
A flicker of hope flared to life before it was crushed almost immediately.  
  
“Hey, Miss… tailing an old man like me… you’ve got decent taste in men.”  
  
Her evening spiraled from there and ended with her splashing ankle-deep through human waste as she fled the man (who she would later found out they called, ‘Kenny the Butcher’) through the sewers. The next day, she demanded Reiner and Bertolt rendezvous with her in the forest behind the academy.  
  
“The man in the black coat is different from the others - he’s skilled. I almost got caught… he might’ve seen my face,” She told them, “Even if I make it into the military police with him being there… there’s a limit to what I can do.”  
  
“A limit, huh…” Reiner muttered, looking grim.  
  
“Let’s take the intel we’ve gather until now and go back to Marley,” Annie said, knowing full-well that it wasn’t possible. It was worth a shot. She was… she was tired – of everything. Annie just wanted to go home. “It’s already been more than five years since we got here… whatever information we have they’ll welcome it.”  
  
“…you really believe that?” Reiner noted her silence before he spoke again, “With these results after five years… Marley’s definitely going to be disappointed…”  
  
“… when what? What do we do?”  
  
“We destroy wall rose.”  
  
_Wait. What?_  
  
“Whether or not there’s a ‘promise of pacifism’. It makes no difference to our plan to locate the founding titan. When us trainees are gathered at Trost, the Survey Corps will be out on a scouting mission. The inside of the walls will fall into total chaos and us trainees will also be forced to fight. We’ll hide like that and even if our bodies can’t be found, there’s no way people will think we’re still alive.” Reiner said, standing up to tower over them. She met Reiner’s gaze steadily and pretended that her stomach wasn’t tying itself up in knots. “After that, we’ll mix in with the refugees and enter the inner capital. Depending on the situation, we can carry one being soldiers too. If we feel like we’ll drop out of the top ten, we can just become local military police. The key is to be in a position where it’s easy to follow the king’s movements.”  
  
“…many of your friends will die though…” Annie said, slowly. The faces of their peers in the cadet corps flashed unbidden to the forefront of her mind. Some faces lingering longer than others as she tried desperately to clamp them down. “They might all die."  
  
“How many times do I have to tell you? They’re not my friends,” Reiner said, crouching down to eye-level. Annie wondered who the forcefulness in his voice was really intended to convince - her or him. He was too close to her, every word from his mouth made her skin crawl and her stomach turn over violently. “Unlike us, they’re Eldian devils. However, it doesn’t hurt to gain their trust. In fact, it’s better than you acting like a loner…”  
  
“I think I’m gonna puke.” She said, feeling overwhelmed. As a titan, Annie could harden her skin at will – tough as diamonds when she wanted to. Tonight though… tonight, she felt paper-thin. Reiner’s sharp eyes felt like daggers, poised and ready to cut through her fragile skin and leave her completely exposed. “Can you, please… not move your face any closer?”  
  
“…you must be tired,” He said, finally after a long pause. His eyes were narrowed suspiciously, but he merely dragged his daggers across her surface without plunging in. He turned away. “I feel bad for putting so much pressure on you… Let’s leave it for tonight.”  
  
“I keep having the same dream…” Bertolt said, speaking up for the first time that evening. Walking ahead of him, Annie had to imagine his expression as he told them something that would stick with her and keep her up for the rest of the night, “it’s a dream about the man who hung himself out in the fields. He’s saying ‘why did I tell you kids that just before I hung myself?’”  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
“You’re avoiding me – why?”  
  
“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” Annie told Mikasa as carefully and blankly as possible. It was the first time that they had spoken all week. She was surprised that she had managed to keep her distance for this long before the other woman found a way to confront her. Annie didn’t have time for this and said as much. Mikasa’s face morphed into something that Annie refused to believe was hurt. The expression was gone just as quickly as it appeared, replaced by a blankness that seemed much more normal. She tried to forget what she might have seen… and failed miserably.  
  
“Where do you go at night, Annie?” Mikasa asked, side-stepping to block Annie as she tried to by-pass her and continue down the narrow Trost alley.  
  
“Mikasa, move.”  
  
“Where do you _go_ at night, Annie?” Mikasa repeated her question before she began slowly advancing on the blonde. The dominance display was – definitely - as intimidating as it was intended. Annie vowed that she would never reveal - even under torture and pain of death – that seeing Mikasa like this was… doing it for her. Fuck. She filed the thought away to never be considered again and refused to back down.  
  
Mikasa did not stop pressing forward until they were standing toe-to-toe. Neither of them spoke, instead remaining stock-still with locked eyes until Annie felt her neck begin to ache from the strain of looking up for so long. The spell broke as a section of Mikasa’s hair fell forward, tickling Annie’s face. She scrunched her nose before she could stop herself.  
  
Curses.  
  
She shoved at Mikasa’s shoulders, forcing her to take a reluctant step back and give them space. Annie crossed her arms and looked away as she spoke, “I’ve been busy with Shadis’ assignments.”  
  
“That’s bullshit and you know it.”  
  
“You sound like Eren.”  
  
“I don’t have a problem with that, right now – I have a problem with you,” Mikasa closed the distance between them again and this time, causing Annie to take an involuntary step back. Her back met the dirty wall and, despite the coolness of the stone, she felt a bit warm. Mikasa planted a hand beside her head as she leaned in, “Are you afraid of me, Annie?”  
  
_Honestly? Yes, a little._  
  
“No.”  
  
“…you’re lying,”  
  
She was so close that Annie could have counted each of her eyelashes if she wanted to. …But that would require that she meet her gaze and she could feel Mikasa watching her so carefully – analyzing her – that she was starting to feel more than a little trapped. Her grip on her crossed arms tightened slightly and Mikasa backed away just a hair to give her just enough space to breath, though she kept her arm firmly against the wall behind Annie’s head.  
  
“You’re too close.”  
  
“Right now, or in general?”  
  
“Both,” Annie admitted, seeing no way around answering without resorting to her fists. Normally, she wouldn’t hesitate to use violence when harassed, but had been feeling out of sorts for days and she wasn’t sure what would happen if she and Mikasa actually came to blows. “I… worry that being near you will prevent me from doing what must be done.”  
  
“I’m not asking you to change for me, Annie,” Mikasa said, voice falling into a gentle whisper now that Annie had dropped much of her combativeness. The tension between them morphed but didn’t fade. Where they really going to talk about this-this… thing – whatever it was – now? Fate, destiny, the universe - if there really were a higher power governing their lives, then it was definitely a sadistic asshole. Bertolt and Reiner were already on the move.  
  
Wall Rose was about to fall.  
  
“I…” Annie choked. She wasn’t sure what she was going to say. What did she want to say? What did she even _want_ in the first place? Mikasa was softer now and she was staring at her so earnestly that Annie thought she might kiss her. Was that what she wanted – for Mikasa to kiss her? Dammit. She really was a mess.  
  
Mercifully, that asshole-fate intervened and she was saved from answering.  
  
…Well, _‘mercifully’_ might not be the best choice.  
  
A thunderous boom shattered the silence and the earth trembled with the force of the impact as the gate caved in. The cracks and moans of the city as it was pelted with debris wasn’t enough to obscure the terrified screams of its citizens. Mikasa crowded in. She shielded Annie from the rush of wind and rubble as an enormous boulder sailed overhead, demolishing a building somewhere out of sight.  
  
_‘No…’_  
  
When the wind died down, Mikasa snapped into action. Grabbing Annie’s wrist, she pulled her down the alley and bust into the street. They charged head-first into the madness and chaos that Annie had helped orchestrate. Annie allowed a beautiful girl to lead her straight into hell, all the while knowing that it was really the other way around.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
“I do have one thing to ask… Please don’t die.”  
  
Annie watched as Eren wrenched his arm from Mikasa’s grasp, and a small part of her longed to trip the brat as he stormed moodily past her. There was a slight tremble in the Mikasa’s fingers that Annie was sure that she was trying (and failing) to prevent from showing. Sure, the two of them had discussed heavy topics before, but it was the first time that Annie had seen Mikasa so emotional. She supposed that it was normal. As stoic and untouchable as Mikasa seemed at times, she was still human after all – an eighteen-year-old human that had seen more than her share of violence and trauma in her short life. A voice in the back of her head maliciously whispered that much of it was her fault. She bit the inside of her cheek to distract herself just as Mikasa looked up to lock eyes with her.  
  
The black-haired woman began walking towards her. For a moment, Annie thought that she might continue and pass right by, but she stopped beside her, their shoulders so close they grazed each other whenever one of them took a breath. Annie could feel a butterfly-light touch on her pinky before it was gone. She stared unblinkingly at the side of Mikasa’s face, but Mikasa seemed determined not to meet her gaze again.  
  
“You too,” Mikasa said, finally before moving away.  
  
From the corner of her eye, Annie could see that the soldier from before had returned, impatiently beckoning Mikasa to follow him to the rear guard. It took her a moment to recall Mikasa’s previous conversation with her brother – one that Mikasa seemed aware had been overheard.  
  
_You too._  
  
It hurt more than it aught.  
  
_You too._  
  
Mikasa was asking her not to get killed. Annie wondered whether she’d be saying the reverse if Mikasa knew who she really was. This was bad. She’s let her get too close. She’s known all along that this was a bad idea, but she just couldn’t help herself. Annie bit her cheek again, harder this time. She could taste the sharp tang of iron. Why couldn’t she help herself?  
  
There was nothing for it now, but to keep going. Annie took a steadying breath and started towards the building to refill her gas. Fuck Marley. Fuck Eldia. Damn them all to hell. How dare they put her in this situation – her father included. Still, she thought back to her final meeting with him. She would survive. She would go home. It was her only option now after all.  
  
Still.  
  
_You too._  
  
You too, Mikasa.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
What happened after felt like a giant blur.  
  
_“Annie!”_  
  
_‘Huh?’_  
  
_“I have a general grasp of the situation… forgive me for asking something personal, but has anyone seen Eren’s squad?_  
  
_“I haven’t, but several squads have made it up the wall.”_  
  
_…_  
_“We… cadets… of squad 34… Thomas Wagner, Nack Tius, Millius Zerumski, Mina Carolina, and Eren Jaeger… the aforementioned five… bravely fell in the line of duty…”_  
  
Annie watched in shocked and horrified silence as Mikasa placed a hand on Armin’s arm and helped him up. She remained frozen as Mikasa shed her emotions and faced their peers. She might have admired Mikasa’s impressive (and insulting) speech if it didn’t scare her so much.  
  
“You don’t stand a single chance to win… unless you fight.”  
  
Using way too much gas, Mikasa took the lead and urged them forward.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
The game changed the moment that Eren emerged from the Attack Titan. Mikasa all but threw herself from the roof in her hast to get to him. Annie spent an unknown amount of time watching quite possibly the strongest person she’s ever met breakdown completely into a shivering, sobbing wreak. Surrounded by an ocean of blood and dissolving corpses, Annie wondered if this day would come with any further life-altering surprises.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
The answer, as it turned out, was yes.  
  
“Three times, I’ve lost my family,” Mikasa said without turning around as Annie drew nearer. “Three times, I’ve given up… and every single time, Eren’s managed to force me to stand back up again.”  
  
“…I’m surprised that you’re out here,” Annie said. She wished that she could say the same thing to herself, but she was tired and the constant self-denial was a bit too difficult to keep up with at the moment. She took a seat beside Mikasa and dangled her feet over the edge of the wall. “I would have expected you to have him on a leash by now or something – never out of your sight again.”  
  
“He’s finalizing some details with General Pixis about plugging the hole.”  
  
“Oh, right,” Annie said, wondering what that might mean for her mission, “Do you think he can do it?”  
  
“It doesn’t matter what I think - he has to do it.”  
  
Annie blocked out the sound of stomping titans and cackling ravens as both groups scavenged for humans in the city below. She turned away from the distant carnage to give her full attention to the woman beside her. If it were possible to look both invincible and frail simultaneously, then that’s how she would describe Mikasa in this moment. Suddenly, Annie was struck with the realization that she… she wanted her. Annie clenched her hand into a tight fist to prevent herself from reaching out to touch her. Mikasa seemed to sense that something had shifted because she chose this instant to finally look at her.  
  
She wondered if this was becoming a pattern – Mikasa jumping head-first into the things that terrified Annie. Mikasa reached out to lay her hand on Annie’s fist and gently plied the fingers apart until they where loose enough for her to lace own into them. Annie stared at their joined hands in Mikasa’s lap.  
  
“Annie.”  
  
She understood that it was her final warning, but she still looked up anyway – completely incapable of fighting the pull of her name from Mikasa’s lips. Almost in slow motion, Mikasa leaned forward to close the distance between them and kissed her. This was likely to be the greatest mistake of her life.  
  
…she fell into it anyway.  
  
Annie brought her free hand up to cup Mikasa’s face, kissing her back until an awkward cough behind them forced them to separate and make room for reality once more. Mikasa squeezed her hand before she let go and rose to follow the random soldier to her post. Annie allowed herself to remain stationary for couple minutes to regain her balance. Then, she too left to seek out Marco, Connie, and the others in her assigned squad.  
  
She had always considered herself to be… a weakling going with the flow and drifting in the stream. Annie didn’t really think that has changed all too much. Lately, it just seemed that the current had started pushing her an unexpected direction. She felt as if she had been drawn into a riffle and was now caught endlessly circling a whirlpool downstream.  
  
Again, Annie wondered what it might mean for her mission.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 _“Annie?!”_  
  
_“Please! Stop?!”_  
  
_“Why?”_  
  
_“Why are you doing this?!”_  
  
She slammed the door shut behind her and rushed across the room to jerk the curtains shut before collapsing beside the trash can and heaving the near-empty contents of her stomach into the bin. When she finished, she stood and collapsed onto her bed. She didn’t bother removing any of her clothing before shuffling under the covers and pulling herself into a tight ball. A bright sliver of moonlight slipped between a crack in the blinds and fell across her eyes in a way that was difficult to ignore. It felt like an annoying reminder that the world existed when all she wanted to do was shut down and pretend like it didn’t.  
  
Annie was slightly embarrassed to admit that she startled as the bed dipped and she felt the heat of another body as it slide in close beside her under the covers. She hadn’t even realized that anyone else had been in the room. The scent of Mikasa’s pleasant - yet generic and practical – soap washed over her. She relaxed, then her stomach twisted again – she didn’t deserve to be comforted like this. Slowly, she rolled over, instantly feeling like it was a mistake, but found she was either unwilling or too tired to turn away again.  
  
Mikasa’s focus on her was intense. Her gaze flickered over Annie’s face in a bid to uncover the source of the blonde’s distress. Annie closed her eyes to shut her out for fear that the clever woman may actually figure it out. Irrationally, the back of her mind wondered if Mikasa could read minds – after all, if titans existed, then why not? If anyone one could read minds, then it would be Mikasa. Who better than the genius of the 104th? Annie quashed the thought immediately as it was accompanied by a sharp new spike of anxiety.  
  
They don’t speak for a long time. It’s only when Annie began to wonder whether one of them may fall asleep that she felt herself be pulled into the familiar cage of Mikasa’s toned arms as they slipped carefully around her middle. Too exhausted to put up a front, Annie allowed herself to be reeled in until her face was pressed tightly into the crook of the other woman’s neck.  
  
Mikasa’s heart pounded out a quick rhythm beneath the palm of one of Annie’s hand where it lay trapped between them. A sharp tingling in her nose was her only warning before her eyes welled up with tears. She shuttered violently with the effort of holding them at bay. Mikasa’s grip on her tightened and she angled her head (likely uncomfortably) to press a soft kiss to Annie’s temple.  
  
“It’s alright to cry,” Mikasa whispered into the dark. She lifted the arm they aren’t lying on to tuck a strand of blonde hair behind Annie’s ear, “You’ve seen me cry.”  
  
“Yeah, when you thought Eren was dead.”  
  
“Yeah, so?”  
  
“So, this is a bit different.”  
  
Mikasa hummed and let her hand fall to curl back around Annie’s upper back. She rested her head against Annie’s and said, “If it’s making you upset, then it doesn’t matter what the reason is - after a day like today, there’s plenty of reasons to choose from. Crying is a way of releasing pent-up emotions and it’s cathartic in a similar way to talking. If you aren’t ready to talk about it, then the least that you can do is let yourself cry.”  
  
“… you’re such a little shit, you know,” Annie answered after a beat; her words cracked a little at the end as she chocked on a soft sob. One of Mikasa’s hands started moving in soothingly on Annie’s back, tracing patterns into the fabric so gently that Annie felt the chasm in her chest crack open. She crumpled inward, silently releasing the tide that she had been desperately trying to claw back.  
  
“I know,” Mikasa said. Annie could almost see the tiny, sad smile evident in her voice, “I’ve spent a lot of time around my brother - some things are just contagious.”  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Annie saw more dead bodies in the next few days than she had ever seen in her entire life.  
  
“I’m sorry.”  
  
The sound of her own voice startled her – she hadn’t meant to say anything. She meant it though… God, was she sorry as she started into the face of the corpse in front of her. The deceased was a female member of the 104th. They had never been close. Annie didn’t even know her name. As far as she could remember, their only interaction had been the time that Annie had scared her into vacating the corner bed their first night at the academy. She started into the girl’s blank eyes and the girl stared back. They had never spoken again, but Annie remembered seeing her interact with the other children.  
  
The girl had been so sweet - she didn’t deserve this.  
  
“Apologising won’t make any difference,” Reiner said, pausing beside her. “Let’s get the memorial service over with.”  
  
Annie ignored him.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Ever since the incident with Marcel, things between Reiner and Annie had been tense, but after Marco… their relationship had become downright hostile. She spoke to him only when necessary and only about topics directly related to their mission. Their situation had changed. Eren had been given to the Survey Corps and the King was still in Sina. Whatever happened now, they would be splitting up, and Annie resolved to go wherever Reiner wasn’t.  
  
“One of us should still join the Military Police and search for information about the coordinate,” Annie said when the three of them where alone, “The other two should join the Survey Corps to go after Eren.”  
  
“You know the area best - you should be the one to join the MP, Annie,” Reiner said.  
  
“But, wait – didn’t that man in the black coat catch her last time?” Bertolt looked as insecure as always when putting in his two cents. He continued, “Shouldn’t we send someone who they’ve never seen?”  
  
The both raised valid points. Annie had been in and out of Sina more times than she could count. She knew the layout. She had connections. But it was also the reason that her identity was potentially compromised. If her face could be recognized, then they should send someone else – Reiner preferably. Then, Annie had to consider Mikasa - she would certainly be joining the Survey Corps. There was no way that she would go anywhere else now that they had been granted custody of Eren. Joining the Military Police would be the perfect opportunity to provide her with the distance that she had failed to follow through with before. It would be better for both of them if she simply cut her off – cold turkey – and never looked back.  
  
Something deep in her chest screamed.  
  
“Either way, has its risks,” Reiner said, returning her to the conversation. “You would know best how important it may be if that man saw your face, Annie – you decide where you want to go.”  
  
…Annie thought that she might hate him. It really was too much effort to fight the current, but she realized that she has been spinning in this whirlpool for a little too long. Annie took her time before making her decision, knowing full-well that either option would be lose-lose scenarios.  
To gain anything, you must sacrifice something.  
  
As the other cadets gathered in the square that evening, Annie allowed Mikasa to lead her away before the ceremony could begin. In the alcove of a deserted hallway, Annie permitted herself a moment of selfishness. She kissed Mikasa - hard. Unlike the first time, this kiss was filled with biting teeth and groping hands, and both of them were left flushed and breathless when they finally broke away.  
  
“Annie,” Mikasa said on the walk back to join the others, “I meant what I said before… I would never ask you to change for me. Whatever choices you make, you should make them for yourself.”  
  
A small part of her had wished that Mikasa were the type of person that would ask her to change – to choose her and damn the rest. But then, if Mikasa were that type of person, then Annie probably would have never liked her enough to wish that in the first place.  
  
The light from the torches cast the area in an eerie orange glow. Reiner caught her eye briefly as she walked past. Annie steeled her nerves. She’d made her decision and there was no changing it now.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
In one life, Annie kisses Mikasa and joins the Survey Corps.  
  
Perhaps, she decides to tell them everything and join Eren in using the power of the titans to save everyone inside the walls. Perhaps, she decides to abandon her father and her homeland to protect the very same people that she had vowed to destroy – the people that she knew all along weren’t really evil, yet weren’t real enough to her to matter – or perhaps she doesn’t’. Perhaps, she joins the Survey Corps and remains silent, drifting with the flow to the end of the world. …Perhaps, doesn’t join the Survey Corps at all.  
  
In one life, Annie kisses Mikasa and joins the Survey Corps.

...In another, Annie kisses Mikasa and leaves.

 


	2. 1-: Survey Corps

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Annie joins the Survey Corps.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, hey! It took me almost three months to finish this, but at least I wasn't lying about writing it, yeah? This choice was the one that I originally was going to continue with before I decided that I also would like to see it from the other side as well. I’m going to try to write both of them, but if it gets confusing, then I’ll follow one to the end and then back-track and do the other. I'm actually pretty nervous about this one. You might have noticed that the rating has gone up to M. I don't usually write a lot of fiction necessitating a M-rating, so I hope that it's not terrible. Please let me know if you what you think and if you’re enjoying this or have any constructive comments. Cheers, friend.

                “What changed?” Mikasa demanded as soon as the ceremony had concluded and the remaining trainees were heading back to their temporary lodgings in a small town just north of Trost. The dark-haired woman snagged her wrist and pulled Annie off the road into a small wooded clearing away from curious, prying eyes of their friends.

 _‘Well, Mikasa’s friends,’_ Annie corrected internally, hating herself a little when it felt like a lie.

                “Huh?”

                “Don’t play dumb - it doesn’t suit you,” Mikasa said, leveling her seriously. “I thought you were joining the military police. “

                “I’m not the only one to change their mind on that.”

                “No, but you’re not like the others,” Mikasa said. There was something in her face that told Annie that there might be a double-meaning behind her words. Annie realized that the other woman seemed anxious. Without much thought, she reached out for Mikasa’s hand in the darkness. “You were never joining the military police because you _wanted_ to, I know that much – something’s happened.”

                “Didn’t you tell me to make choices by myself?” Annie asked, looking at the ground. There was a moth struggling weakly in a spider’s web a few feet away from her foot. She thought that it must be tired. “I made a choice myself.”

                “… I’m not so sure that you did.”

                “What would you know of it?” Annie snapped at her, letting go. She was suddenly furious, though she wasn’t sure where her anger was directed – she had too many options to choose from (she suspected that Mikasa wasn’t actually one of them). Mikasa let her hand hang empty in the air for half a beat before letting it fall to her side.

                “…I don’t know because you won’t tell me. I’m not going to force you to talk about it, but…” Mikasa trailed off before recovering, “I said make choices _for_ yourself, Annie.”

                “That’s what I said.”

                Mikasa watched her. When Annie didn’t respond immediately, she bent down beside the bush and released the moth. The tiny beige creature crawled onto Mikasa’s index finger and she stroked its back, gently brushing the sticky strands encasing its frail body. The insect fluttered its wings slowly as if to thank her before it took flight. Both women watched it get reacquainted with the air before it disappeared into the canopy. When it was gone, Mikasa rose and started to walk away. She paused when her feet returned to the stone road.

                “No, that wasn’t what you said at all.”

                “…Why are you angry about this?”

                “I’m not angry,” Mikasa sighed. “I’m sad.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

                Things felt a little… off after last night.

                The walk back to their quarters had been silent, which would not have been that unusual for them if it were not for the oppressive weight of their prior conversation. It lingered between them as they got ready for bed and Annie tried not to let it bother her. She took some comfort in the fact that Mikasa still climbed into bed with her rather than beelining straight for the unoccupied cot on the other side of the room.

                They didn’t speak much at all, even the next morning, as they packed their respective bags and left to ready the horses. The ride to the survey corps headquarters took much of the afternoon and they arrived just before dinner. Annie heard a familiar male voice call Mikasa and Armin as the party of new recruits were being lead across the castle grounds. Annie paused to watch as Eren bounded over to greet them and Mikasa accosted him with a slew of (borderline ridiculous) questions regarding his treatment during her absence.

                Bertolt shot her a curious glance and she realized that she might have been staring for a bit longer than what was considered appropriate. Annie blew him off with a derisive huff and resumed marching towards the impressive set of ancient doors that their guide was directing them through. Annie forced Mikasa and her friends from of her mind as the ornate doors boomed shut behind them, and she set-off in search of a chamber to discard her things.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

                Annie had only closed her eyes for a minute when the soft click of the latch disrupted the still room. She cracked an eye open just in time to see Mikasa poke her head in curiously before slipping inside, having registered that Annie was the sole occupant of the room. Mikasa shut the door carefully and threw her bag on the other bed as she made her way over to the blonde. Annie inched over to make room for her on the narrow cot, grumbling feebly as the other woman chose to lay half on top of her instead of occupying the newly vacated space.

                “You’re a difficult woman to find,” Mikasa said as she laid her head on Annie’s shoulder and brought the arm she wasn’t laying on up so that it was stretched across the blonde’s stomach. “This is the last room on the floor that I hadn’t checked.”

                “The angle of the windows here means that it will take longer for the sunshine to become bothersome in the mornings,” Annie said, closing her eyes again. God, she was tired. “I thought you were supposed to be a genius?”

                “I’ve never claimed to be.”

                “No? I guess that was just the entire administration then,” She said sarcastically as she stifled a yawn. “Why aren’t you still fussing over Eren?”

                “He’s cleaning the chamber pots now… I left before he decided to ask for help.”

                “What? Family only go so far for you?” Annie said, wincing as Mikasa pinched her. They fall into silence after that and Annie is reminded of the previous evening. She tried to ignore the question as it formed, but soon found herself asking anyway, “Are we no longer arguing, then?”

                “…we were never arguing, Annie,” Mikasa sighed. She lifted her head and propped herself up on her elbow so that she was looking down at the blonde. “We don’t have to talk about it.”

                “…but you want to.”

                “Yes, but not before you’re ready.”

                Mikasa held her gaze, then settled back down against the smaller woman when Annie neglected to say anything more. There was nothing else that she could say without needing to concoct some sort of lie. Annie found that she didn’t really want to lie to Mikasa any more than was strictly necessary, so when Mikasa gave her the opportunity to let the matter drop, she took it. An anxious energy lingered about them for a few minutes afterward, but it eventually settled into something that felt closer to normal. Mikasa’s thumb began absently stroking the space just above her naval and Annie fought back another yawn.

                “You should take a nap,” Mikasa told her; her voice was low – almost a whisper – as if she were worried that she may disturb the fragile peace in the room. “I know that you didn’t sleep well the past few nights.”

                “Dinner will be announced shortly,” Annie countered, but she was already starting to slip from awareness. Her body felt heavy and she imagined herself sinking through the bed. She thought she felt the light press of lips against her collarbone as Mikasa got up.

                “I’ll wake you.”

                Annie wasn’t awake enough to argue.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

                Annie assumed that after everything that happened at Trost that the battle would become the focal point of her nightmares. Sure, she still dreamed she had front row seats to a titan dinner party and she relived Marco’s desperate pleas for help as an ugly behemoth snatched him from the roof, but what surprised her about her nightmares was that the most horrifying of them was also the quietest and least violent – really, it almost seemed tame in comparison. This dream always seemed to arrive during the middle of the night and she thanked her lucky stars that she had never been an especially dynamic sleeper, otherwise Mikasa would never get any rest either (it still surprised her that this was something that she worried about now… never mind their sleeping arrangements, it shocked her that even _cared_ at all).

                She had been having this dream for years, but it had changed since Trost. What started as a handful of blurred faces standing around a blazing funeral pyre had grown into a large crowd. Now though, the size of the crowd didn’t bother her so much as the fact that it was composed of people that _knew_ \- or, at least, people that she _had_ known.

                …The people whose deaths she was partially responsible for.

                They murmured and jostled her as she picked her way through them. They appeared before her as they were the last time that she saw them – as corpses. She tried no to stare at their mutilated bodies, but she could feel their judging gazes like a thousand stinging needles pricking her back. When she reached the front, she found herself standing beside Marco. At first, she thought that he didn’t look so bad… until he turned toward her. Annie almost screamed as he revealed the missing half of his face.

                “To gain anything, Annie, you must sacrifice something,” he said before pointing towards the burning logs in front of them. Annie squinted, but, try as she might, she couldn’t seem to see anyone on the top of the pyre. It was then that a struggle broke out behind them and she turned in horror to find her father and Mikasa being dragged into the orange light.

                “Pick one,” Marco said in that calm, too nice voice that she was used to.

_What?_

                “Someone has to be thrown in, Annie.”

                _…to… the fire?_

                “You must choose one or lose both.”

_…No, that’s – NO!_

                “Choose, Annie.”

               She woke in a cold sweat.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

                Annie liked Armin.

                Of all their fellow cadets of the 104th (Mikasa omitted), Annie found that she somewhat enjoyed their short chats, rather than merely tolerating them. She could add that to her growing list of possible failings surrounding this mission. At this point, Annie felt like her armour had rusted out in several places and developed some seriously concerning weak points. She was a little scared to analyse these areas too closely for fear that they might be unrepairable.

                “I was a little surprised that you also joined the scouts, Annie,” Armin told her as they held back and waited on the edge of the group as a superior officer started handing out their new uniforms the next morning.

                “Stranger things have happened.”

                “Yeah, but your mind seemed pretty set,” he said, casually. “I won’t deny that I’m a bit curious as to why?”

                “Good for you,” Annie said, simply. She knew that she likely would not get out of it that easily, but still she hoped. A side-glance in Armin’s direction informed her that would not be the case. Annie sighed and tried a different tactic, “If someone tells you to go die, will you go die?”

                “Well, I will if I understand the reason why I must die,” Armin said, momentarily humoring her abrupt change in subject. “I think there might be cases where one must die, even though I’d rather not.”

                “I see… you’re weak like hell, yet you have guts.”

                “Th-thanks… Annie… You’re actually a nice person, aren’t you?”

                “Huh?”

_No, I’m really not._

                “Well, it looks like you’re not exactly happy that we all joined the scouts, though I think you have your own reasons for choosing it as well,” Armin said. His eyes flickered in Mikasa’s direction, making Annie’s insides squirm uncomfortably. The boy was too perceptive for his own good. “You never answered my question though.”

                “I know,” She said, having no intention of elaborating.

                Annie thought she heard him chuckle as she stepped away to relieve the officer of the uniform they were holding out to her, feeling a little indignant – she wasn’t trying to be funny. Armin sent her a knowing look and a small smile as he took his own uniform and followed her into the hall, but he otherwise let the matter drop.

                Annie always did like Armin.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

                “It’s going to scar,” Annie whispered, sliding her thumb across the healing gash on Mikasa’s cheek. The flame of the oil lamp on the dresser burned so low that Annie could only just make out Mikasa’s face in the near-darkness.

                “I don’t care,” Mikasa said, kissing Annie’s thumb lightly when it strayed down to her lips. Annie didn’t really care if the gash scarred either. She wasn’t sure why she brought it up other than it was something to say. It didn’t diminish Mikasa’s beauty at all – in fact, it might even turn Annie on a little.

                Not that she would ever tell Mikasa that.

                “It’s just another mark on my skin from someone I love,” Mikasa said. “A little different than the others, granted, but it’s part of me now all the same.”

                “You mean like the bandage on your wrist?” Annie asked, sliding her hand off Mikasa’s face and down her arm. Annie stopped just shy of the hand gripping her waist to finger the worn cotton tied securely around Mikasa’s wrist. Annie had always wondered what she why it was there (whether it was hiding something on the woman’s skin or if it was the fabric itself that was important), but she had never brought it up before now. She figured that it had something to do with Mikasa’s family. Given what she knew of Mikasa’s bleak history and the woman’s borderline-obsessive devotion to Eren, Annie figured that it was a safe bet that anything important enough that Mikasa was willing to wear night-and-day for entirety of their three-year acquaintance, probably had something to do with her family. Mikasa literally had never taken the damn thing off. Somewhat inappropriately, Annie wondered how intense the girl’s tan lines where.

                Mikasa was silent for so long that Annie worried she had stepped over a boundary that the other woman wasn’t willing to cross, but Mikasa eventually just sighed. She gently shook Annie’s hand from her wrist and rolled over onto her back. Mikasa lifted her hand up from under the covers and squinted at it in the dark before speaking, “My mother gave me a tattoo shortly before she died. She said that it was the symbol of out clan, passed down from generation-to-generation. She had just finished wrapping this bandage around it when the men knocked on the door… I’ve never been able to bring myself to take it off.”

                It was the last thing that she ever gave me.” Mikasa continued, face twisting a little. “Well, besides my life.”

                Annie was at a loss as to how to respond to that. There wasn’t anything that she could say to make it better, but the crack in her chest that she so frequently ignored prodded at her to do something to make the expression – that she could barely see – on Mikasa’s face go away. It really was a wonder that Mikasa felt comfortable enough with Annie to tell her this. It wasn’t like either of them were the most sociable or open people behind the walls. Annie pondered whether Mikasa tells her these things because it’s her asking or because she’s the only one brave enough to ask. Annie had a sneaking suspicion that the answer was a complex mix of both. She hefted herself up onto her elbow and tried to chase the thought away by leaning down to press her lips against Mikasa’s instead.

                Mikasa responded to the kiss without hesitation. Her already raised hand moved into Annie’s hair, tightly entangling her fingers with the blonde strands and pulling an unexpected groan from the woman above her. A toned arm slid around Annie’s torso and Annie allowed herself to be pulled in until she rested more fully on top of Mikasa. Annie could feel every aroused gasp Mikasa took in the sharp heaving of the chest pressed against her and the huff of air against her lips as she paused to switch the angle of their kiss.

                Annie could hardly register how fast they were moving until a shift in position brought her thigh into snug contact with the juncture of Mikasa’s legs. Instantly, Mikasa broke their kiss, moaned what was surely the most erotic sound Annie had ever heard, and bucked her hips against Annie’s leg.

                Annie froze.

                What in the _hell_ was she doing.

                This was… this was certainly not what she was sent here to do. How could she let have let this get so out of hand? She really needed to stop this. She had told herself when she was sworn-in to the Survey Corps that she would stop this… or at least cool it a little. Did she have no willpower at all? She knew that she was a weakling, but she –

                “Annie?” Mikasa’s gentle voice cut through the fog of panic and brought her back to the present. The hand that had been gripping her hair was now smoothing it from her face. Annie blinked away the remaining haze and looked down at the woman beneath her. Mikasa smiled at her understandingly. “We don’t have to do anything that you’re not ready for.”

                “I…” Annie began, but her voice felt too tight to continue. She was unsure what she was going to say anyway – it wasn’t like she could tell Mikasa that they couldn’t be intimate because she was busy having an existential crisis. Thankfully for her, it seemed that Mikasa didn’t feel any explanation was necessary.

                “It’s okay,” Mikasa said. She tucked a strand of hair behind Annie’s ear with one hand and tugged her shirt to get her to lay on her side with the other. Still somewhat distracted, Annie let herself be maneuvered until her head was tucked up against Mikasa’s side with her head resting against the woman’s shoulder. She fisted the fabric of Mikasa’s sleep shirt as the woman smoothed a hand down her back. “I’m happy with just this, Annie.”

                Annie cursed herself for feeling the same.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

                The reality of training with the scouting regiment wasn’t as Annie had imagined it would be. There were a lot fewer physical training sessions and a lot more time spent in the classroom. Not that class time was terrible, really. Annie was equally apathetic towards both. I mean, she excelled at anything and everything, provided it didn’t require teamwork, but that didn’t mean that she _enjoyed_ it.

                Annie had to hand it to Commander Erwin, the long-distance enemy detection formation was brilliant. Using a relay system of flairs to communicate and alter their course to avoid most titan encounters was an excellent way to cut casualties - they can’t kill you if you don’t engage them. The name was a little ironic though, considering Annie and Bertolt their greatest enemies of all and the formation had included them… Annie squinted at the diagram at the front of the room… on relay duty in the right flank. She took note that Eren’s position was not indicated on the sheet. It was possible that they hadn’t decided where the best position was to keep him yet or that they had decided to conceal that knowledge for whatever reason.  

                There wasn’t much that she could do about it now though.

                Their commanding officer droned on-and-on about the how’s, whys, and potential what-ifs involving the formation. Annie got the gist of how the strategy was going to work within the first few minutes, but a cursory glance around the room told her that she was in the minority.

                Idiots.

                By the end of the day, Annie was exhausted and partially brain-dead (she suspected) from boredom. She followed Mikasa, Armin and Eren quietly down the corridor, resolving to take a quick nap in the hour they had before supper. Annie continued walking as Mikasa stopped with Eren at the entrance to Armin’s room. She had expected Mikasa to stay with her friends until after dinner, but was somewhat pleasantly surprised when the dark-haired woman caught up with her a minute later.

                Annie shuttered a little when Mikasa touched the small of Annie’s back as the blonde worked at unlocking the stubborn latch on the old door. She blamed her hyper-awareness of the warmth radiating from Mikasa’s hand on the ever-present chill in the castle. It felt nice. Annie was not above borrowing said warmth for the duration of her nap.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

                Eren’s staring was making her uncomfortable.

                Annie could see him cocking his head from side-to-side slowly every few minutes while he stared her down from across the room – she doubted that he knew that he was even doing it. Annie did her best to ignore him, instead focusing possibly too intently on her lunch. It was the most attention that she had ever given an egg sandwich in her life. When she had finished eating, Eren’s gaze followed her as she stood to stiffly dispose of her dishes.

                She wondered what the hell his problem was.

                “If you have something to say, then say it,” Annie said, stopping in front of Eren’s table on the way out. She glared down at him, feeling even more irritable when he simply blinked owlishly back up at her. Honestly, the boy could a least pretend to look a little discomfited by her – she used to be able to intimidate the shit out of him just by glancing blackly in his general direction. Bertolt, Jean, Connie, and a few soldiers whose names Annie didn’t remember were the only other cadets still eating at his table. They seemed content to let the scenario play out in front of them in semi-silence (Annie thought the sounds they were making as they continued eating were a little gross).

                “Are you dating my sister?” Eren asked with all the innocence of a child.

                At the end of he table, Bertolt and several others choked. She started at Eren, too caught off guard to answer him immediately. Jean seemed to be turning a little purple from lack of air the longer Annie neglected to respond.

                “Excuse me?” She said, finally.

                “I asked if you were dating my sister.”

                “…no, I’m not.” Annie answered. It wasn’t technically a lie… they weren’t _dating_. Dating implied that the two of them when out to do… date-like activities, whatever that entailed (Annie didn’t know – she had never been on a date). In any case, Eren seemed to think that she had given him the wrong answer because his whole demeanor morphed. He scowled at darkly her.

                “What do you mean, _‘no, you’re not’_?”

                “I think the meaning is fairly obvious given that we speak the same language.”

                “If you’re just jerking Mikasa around… I’ll kick your fucking ass, Annie.”

                “Umm... what are you guys talking about?” Jean interjected hoarsely. Annie spared the rest of the table a passing glance, noting that everyone had abandoned their meals to gape openly at them. Seriously? Eren was such a tactless moron – he couldn’t have picked somewhere else to do this?

                “Shut up, Jean!” Eren shouted at the other man without looking away from Annie. Knowing without seeing Jean opening his mouth to argue, Eren cut him off with a sharp, dangerous-sounding, “Not now.”

                “I don’t see how it’s any of your business what Mikasa and I do or don’t do.”

                “She’s family!” Eren bellowed, shooting up from his chair and smacking his hands against the table before skirting around to stand in front of her. “Mikasa’s been through enough bullshit in her life. I won’t let some half-baked asshole screw around with her feelings like they’re nothing.”

                Though she wouldn’t let it show, his words bothered her. Her stomach rolled - she wasn’t equipped to deal with this right now. Though Annie met his glower blankly, she felt cornered and on display. When she remained unresponsive, Eren reached a hand out to shove her shoulder in an attempted to elicit some sort of comeback, but the hand never made contact as Annie flipped the brunette over her shoulder. He squawked indignantly as she slammed him into the floor. Belatedly, Annie noted that the entire room had gone quiet.

                She avoided meeting Bertolt’s wide-eyes as she rigidly exited the room.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

                “Why did your brother ask me if we’re dating?” Annie asked, the moment Mikasa stepped into their room. She had been sitting cross-armed in the chair by the window waiting for her since the altercation after dinner. With a calmness that Annie suspected might be false, Mikasa walked over to the other side of the room and riffled through the canvas sack on the bed. She didn’t seem to be looking for anything particular – at least, none that Annie could see – because she didn’t remove any of the contents from the bag.

                “Why did you tell him that we weren’t?”

                “Because we’re not.”

                Mikasa frowned. Ah, there it was again – that fleeting flash of hurt that Annie hated so much. She picked at the dirt under her fingernails just to avoid seeing it again. There was a thump as Mikasa removed her boots and the soft patter of feet on stone before her bare feet entered her field of view. A hand covered Annie’s, forcing her to look up.

                “I think we’re a little past that, don’t you?”

                Mikasa was watching her with the same intensity that she had shown in the alleyway in Trost. Annie struggled to speak around the lump in her throat, “Dating is… we don’t date.”

                “You and I both know that’s not what Eren meant.”

                Annie wasn’t sure what to say, so she said nothing.

                “Get up,” Mikasa said, suddenly. Her voice was low and commanding. Part of Annie cringed and died when she obeyed with minimal resistance. Mikasa narrowed her eyes down at her. Annie realized that the hand Mikasa had neglected to let go was going a little clammy as she waited for the other woman to continue speaking.

                “I like you, Annie. I _want_ us to date,” Mikasa said, bluntly. Annie thought she might choke on her own tongue – it was the first time that either of them had addressed it out loud. How was this her life? Annie had never considered herself a masochist, but now she was beginning to wonder. “I want you to want us to as well... do you?”

                Annie sputtered.

                “I don’t need a lot from you, Annie, but I do need this,” Mikasa said, after it became apparent that Annie wasn’t going to say anything. “I don’t want or need a very public relationship – I’m just as much a private person as you – but this isn’t a casual fling for me, Annie, and I need to know that it’s the same for you. What are we?”

                “…I don’t know.”

                Mikasa’s mouth tightened and she looked away towards the door. There it was again – the hurt. How many times would Annie have to see Mikasa’s face look like that? Many more, she was sure. This wasn’t even the worst of her transgressions. Annie was not looking forward to the day that Mikasa found out about those. Someday, that expression would be taken to the next level, and Annie would have no one to blame for it except for herself.

                “Well, you’d better figure it out,” Mikasa said. There was an edge to her voice that had never been there before. Annie bit her cheek as Mikasa headed for the door, but her brain had stalled and she couldn’t reboot it fast enough to figure out an appropriate response before the woman slipped out the door.

                Actually, she still couldn’t figure out an appropriate response even after Mikasa was gone.

                Fuck.

 _Fuck_.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

                Annie returned to the seat by the window and stayed there for the next hour, but Mikasa did not come back. It was probably for the best anyway because Mikasa was right – Annie did need to figure her shit out. She needed to decide one way or the other about this _thing_ that she had going on with Mikasa. They had been coasting along, toeing the line for years without discussing it. That had worked when they were just spooning at night, but after they started… after they started _kissing_ … Annie felt the heat on her cheeks.

                This was ridiculous.

                She was a warrior of Marley. She was a spy. This…entanglement would be completely acceptable if it didn’t mean anything to her. It shouldn’t mean anything to her. Annie might not have bought into the whole “Eldian devils” propaganda, but she had been training for this since she was a child. She shouldn’t feel so conflicted. She was the enemy, for fucks sake. What she needed to do was stop this, keep her head down, do her job, and _go home_. She shouldn’t be regretting letting Mikasa leave without telling her that, yes – she did want them to date.

                Annie wanted a relationship with Mikasa.

                Suddenly, the room felt too stifling and claustrophobic for her to stay here. Annie all but tripped herself in her haste to get out of the chair and stumble her way to the door. She threw the latch and just barely avoided colliding with Bertolt’s chest as she surged through the doorway.

                “What the fuck?” Annie growled. “Why are you here?”

                “I just came to talk,” Bertolt said, hands raised defensively.

                “That’s nice, but I’m not in the mood.”

                She made to duck around him and escape down the hall, but Bertolt moved to grab her elbow. He backed off before he made contact, lifting his hands again as she whipped around to face him. Annie wasn’t certain what expression she was wearing, but whatever it looked like must have been savage because it made Bertolt take a nervous step back.

                “About what happened with Eren earlier… you know that I have to ask, Annie,” He said, sweating a little. Despite her annoyance, Annie was a little impressed that he had found the guts to question her given the mood she was in; he had never been very good with confrontation. “Getting involved with Mikasa… Do you really think that’s wise?”

                “I believe that I told Eren that I _wasn’t_ involved with her,” Annie said, trying to reel her temper in and dial back on the aggression. Bertolt looked even more uneasy at the change.

                “Annie, I get how it feels to like someone in a situation that might be… complicated,” Bertolt said. He paused with a frown and Annie desperately hoped that he wasn’t going to pick this moment to confess his obvious feelings for her. She had been knowingly ignoring them for years and would happily continue to ignore them for many more if he would let her. She was especially ill-equipped to deal with them right now. Fortunately, Bertolt seemed to pick up on that, instead continuing, “But we can’t afford to let ourselves get distracted. We inherited the power of the Titans seven years ago, which means we only have six years left… You said it yourself – you have to survive and get home. You deserve to enjoy your life, Annie. Let’s finish this and go home so that we can all do that. Don’t let Mikasa get close enough to weaken your resolve. **”**

                “My resolve is fine,” Annie snared. Unwilling to listen to anymore, she stormed off. She chanced a glance back as she rounded the corner. Annie thought Bertolt looked vaguely lost and lonely standing alone in the corridor, but she refused to feel guilty.

                In a way, he was both right and wrong. They did only have six years left before the power of the Titans killed them. It wasn’t something that she could forget, but she didn’t like thinking about it more often than what was strictly necessary. Would throwing Mikasa away and focusing on the mission make her job less complicated? Yes. Would it decrease the chances of getting found out prematurely? Also, likely, yes. Would it get her home faster so that she could enjoy the life that she supposedly deserved? The deserving bit was neither here nor there, but the piece implying that she’d get home quicker was a hard no. They had no idea when they would be able to go home. Four years of lying and snooping, and they weren’t that much closer to finding the coordinate. They could spend the remainder of their time searching before they were forced to retreat home to die and give the next generation of Titan-shifters a chance to shine.

                Annie had spent her whole life preparing for this mission and it was very likely that she could spend the rest of it struggling to complete it. An unbidden memory of Mikasa asking her to make her own choices whispered of an alterative option. Annie mulled it over.

Well, fuck it – that’s what she’ll do.

                Maybe she was being impulsive and unwise – no, she was definitely doing both – but it didn’t matter. Annie had made up her mind. Like Mikasa had asked, she was making a choice for herself. She was already on this train, and if she was going to ride it to hell, then she was going to make damn-sure that she rode it the whole way.

                It took her another fifteen minutes of searching before she found Mikasa - legs crossed, reading a book on an uncomfortable-looking stone window ledge. The woman glanced up at the sound of Annie’s footsteps as they echoed faintly in the deserted hall and frowned warily at her.

                “Made up your mind already?”

                “Yes,” Annie said, firmly. She didn’t stop walking until she was directly in front of Mikasa’s window ledge, but she continued her forward momentum, leaning in to kiss the surprised woman. Mikasa indulged her for a moment before pulling back and raising an elegant eyebrow at her. Annie steeled herself before saying, “This isn’t casual for me either. I want you too, Mikasa.”

                Mikasa smiled, and Annie forced her apprehension away for now. Marley’s stupid mission my run her life, but she was going to let herself have this one thing for as long as she could keep it. She knew that their relationship would never last, but _Annie_ wasn’t going to last – not more than a few more years anyway. As long as she fulfilled her duty in the end, Marley wouldn’t even care if her feelings had gotten a little muddled along the way. Provided she didn’t outright say anything when she got home (because she would make it home as promised), they wouldn’t ever have to find out. Despite his disapproval (and personal angst), Annie knew that Bertolt wouldn’t say anything, even to Reiner. Her father would be fine. The only damaging consequences would be to herself… and Mikasa.

                Annie tried not to think about that.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

                She couldn’t remember how they ended up like this.

                …Honestly though?

                Annie couldn’t care less right now.

                Mikasa latched onto the back on Annie’s neck and bit down just hard enough to bruise without breaking the skin. Annie thought she might cum right there. A guttural moan ripped from her throat and her hips jerked in Mikasa’s lap, surprising both of them. Mikasa didn’t let go, but her jaw twitched minutely, dragging a low whine from the blonde trapped beneath her. Mikasa shifted her weight, pressing down harder as she slid her left hand up Annie’s side. She let her palm rest on Annie’s ribcage, the tips of her fingers tracing teasing patterns along the underside of Annie’s breast.

                The hand still gripping Annie’s hip squeezed, distracting her just enough from the mouth on her neck that she startled again with surprise as Mikasa swiped her tongue across the surface. Annie was sure that she had never been so turned on in her life. The wet slide of tongue across the most vulnerable part of her caused the titan-shifter to quiver uncontrollably and the hitching of her breath to quicken so much that she imagined she might pass out from lack of oxygen. Mikasa lightly sucked at the flushed skin in her mouth just as her hand moved upward to fondle Annie’s breast and the blonde bit the pillow in front of her to dampen the sound.

                “Don’t,” Mikasa said against her neck. Releasing her breast, she yanked the offending pillow away from her and threw it onto the floor before sitting up. Annie squeaked at the rush of cool air on her back. She tried to prop herself up on her elbows and turn to face Mikasa, but a firm hand pressed between her shoulder blades, stopping her.

                “No, stay there.”

                “Mikasa?” She asked, voice hoarse.

                She felt Mikasa shift and step off the bed, followed by the rustling of fabric. The bed dipped as Mikasa climbed back in, placing herself between Annie’s slightly spread legs. Strong hands returned to Annie’s hips and jerked her roughly so that her lower half was lifted back onto Mikasa’s – now bare – thighs. She moaned again as Mikasa leaned back down, pressing her chest into Annie’s back and kissing her throat.

                “What do you want?” Mikasa said, sending tiny puffs of hot air into Annie’s ear between each word. Her voice was much deeper than usual and her breathing sounded almost as ragged as Annie’s. It took the blonde several seconds to decipher what Mikasa asked her through the fog in her brain.

                “You – just…” Annie wasn’t sure that she was making sense. She was a babbling. She wasn’t certain what was asking for, but she knew she need… something, “Mikasa… touch me, please.”

                “Yeah…yeah, okay,” Mikasa said, sounding wreaked. She kissed her neck again before Annie felt a hand leave her hip and attempt to work its way between her belly and the bed. After a brief struggle (because apparently Mikasa believed easing up the pressure against her back wasn’t an option), Mikasa succeeded in getting her hand under Annie. Annie cried out as Mikasa then slid it downwards and into her underwear.

                Annie wasn’t much of a romantic. She never was one to lay around, pondering things like how she might lose her virginity, but if she had, then she probably still would never have imagined that it would go down like this – deep behind enemy lines, falling in love and losing her virginity to a person who could jeopardize her entire mission.

                Honestly, she – wait, what?

_Love?_

                The world momentarily whited out as her shock forced her over the edge.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

                Annie wasn’t stupid – she knew that she cared about Mikasa… a lot… too much. Annie knew it when they first began speaking. She knew it when they started sleeping in the same bed. She knew it when she decided to continue their relationship, and she knew it last night when they had sex. Annie knew all along that she was letting Mikasa get too close, and she thought that she understood the consequences.

                Annie knew that she cared about Mikasa.

                What she didn’t realize was that she was falling in love with her.

                Her previous concern had been more of a moral issue than a practical one. Annie knew she could betray someone she cared about for the sake of the mission. By just being here, she technically already had – if you could betray someone before you’ve even met them, that is. She had been instrumental in the destruction of wall Maria. She had been aware of the impending destruction of the Trost Gate. She helped _murder_ Marco. Annie could betray someone she cared about, but could she betray someone she loved?

                She didn’t know and that was a very serious problem.

                So much for her resolve being fine.

                Annie was seated on a stump outside, watching Mikasa practice with her 3D maneuver equipment. Blades flashing, she spun smoothly through the air like a deadly windmill. The padded wedge at the base of the fake titan’s neck didn’t stand a chance.

                Annie thought of how it felt to wake up that morning with Mikasa curled around her - her warm bare skin pressed into Annie’s naked back. One of the woman’s thighs had been thrown over her in the night, trapping Annie in a cage that she didn’t want to leave. It reminded her how Mikasa’s thighs had trembled last night when she had lowered herself between Mikasa’s legs to return the favor. Suddenly, Annie felt hot. God, she was such a bastard.

                “Nice hickey, Leonhardt. Didn’t know Ackerman was such a leech.”

                The sudden gleeful voice was accompanied by a sharp flick to a tender spot on the back of Annie’s neck. With a jolt, she realized that it was the same place that Mikasa had attached herself to last night. Annie had hoped that the collar of her shirt would be high enough to cover whatever mark that Mikasa had left there, since she figured letting her hair down would be more obvious and eye-catching than anything (she had never let her hair down around anyone in the 104th, except Mikasa).

                Apparently, that was the wrong assumption to make.

                Annie willed her blush away and schooled her face into the most menacing expression that she could muster, and slowly turned to face her cackling antagonist. Ymir’s grin was so wide it was probably hurting her. Her teeth were on display so nicely that Annie was sorely tempted to knock a few out.

                “Fuck off, Ymir. You don’t know what you’re talking about.”

                “I don’t?” Ymir said, feigning shock. “So, you weren’t boring holes into Ackerman with your eyes just now and thinking about all the loud, gay sex I heard the two of you having last night?”

                The loud, _what_ now?!

                “Oh yeah, imagine my surprise when I walked by your room and heard that,” Ymir said. With her lecherous grin still in place, she moaned dramatically before whooping. She dropped down beside Annie on the log and slapped at her thigh comically as she continued laughing. It took Annie another second to recover before she slugged Ymir in the side hard enough that the other woman chocked and doubled-over.

                That shut her up.

                Annie hoped she broke a rib.

                “Shut up,” Annie hissed angrily. She cast a quick glance around them to see if anyone had noticed, but they seemed to be in the clear.

                “Fuck, you play rough – should have figured…” Ymir said. She was still wheezing, but she was straightening up and seemed fine. Shame. Ymir raised a placating hand in surrender when the insinuation from her last statement caught up with Annie and she moved to hit her again. “Okay, stop! Relax! I’m not going to tattle on you or anything.”

                "Yeah? And why not?”

                “People like us, we got to stick together,” Ymir answered, flicking a finger casually between them. “You’re not as subtle as you think you are, Leonhardt. Not to anyone paying proper attention, anyway. We’re more alike than you might think.”

                “I’m nothing like you,” Annie said, warily. Ymir had turned serious. That alone would have been enough to put her on edge, but Annie had the sneaking suspicion that Ymir wasn’t just talking about a shared interest in women. The thought was worrying, so she went for the equally uncomfortable, yet slightly less damning: “At least my relationship isn’t unrequited.”

                “Ouch, damn. You really go for the throat, don’t you?” Ymir said, mockingly placing a hand on her chest as if she were hurt. There was a pause. Annie could see the gears turning behind Ymir’s eyes and braced herself. “Just like Mikas-ah! Ow! Okay, seriously! I was going to give you some sage advice, but now I don’t know if I want to.”

                “Save it,” Annie said. Ymir was again cradling her abused side and glaring back. “I don’t need it.”

                “You do, but you’re too stuck up your ass to know it.”

                Oh, she knew it, but hell would have to freeze over before she ever sought out advice from _Ymir_.

                “Go away, Ymir.”

                “Fine,” Ymir sighed as she stood up and over-exaggerated brushing the dust from her slacks, “You’ll come begging for my help eventually though.”

                “Doubtful.”

                “Sure, sure,” Ymir said, waving her off. “Later, Leonhardt.”

                Ymir pinged the blonde sharply in the back of the neck once more as she left. Annie whipped around to growl at her, but Ymir was already halfway down the pitch and too far away to cuss out without drawing attention. Annie made to return to her previous activity of watching Mikasa workout, but found that the black-haired blur was no longer in the air. Mikasa strode towards her, looking a little miffed.

                “What was that about?”

                “Nothing important. Ymir’s a simpleton.”

                “She touched your neck,” Mikasa said, scowling in the direction Ymir had disappeared in. The realization that Mikasa was jealous hit Annie rather unexpectedly. There was half-a-beat where Annie felt a little warm and flattered before she remembered that Mikasa was feeling jealous of _Ymir_. Gross.

                “She was poking-fun at the very obvious mark _you_ made,” Annie said, narrowing her eyes and feeling a little satisfaction when Mikasa had the modesty to look appropriately abashed, “and to inform me that she heard us last night.”

                The intensity of Mikasa’s blush gave Annie some insight into Ymir’s incessant desire to embarrass people, though Annie suspected that embarrassing anyone other that the woman in front of her would never be quite as gratifying. Beet-red, Mikasa covered part of her face with her hand and turned away. Annie felt the corners of her mouth twitch as she tried to clamp down on a smile.

                God, she loved this girl.

                …but honestly, how fucked up was that?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

                The far-off dripping of a leaky window gently coaxed her from slumber as it tapped its irregular rhythm against the woodwork. The room was gray and cold in the pre-dawn light. She pressed her eyes closed and turned to better meld herself with the warm body next to her. Mikasa groaned as Annie pressed her face into the crook of her neck, “…Why is your face so cold?”

                “Because _I’m_ cold,” Annie said, still not quite awake. Mikasa grumbled again, but didn’t fight her. Instead, she tugged at the blankets to bring them up over their heads.

                “Oi, it’s going to get hard to breath in here.”

                “But it’ll be warm,” Mikasa countered, unbothered.

                “Only because it’s full of your nasty morning breath.”

                “You like my nasty morning breath.”

                “I like _you_ – I tolerate your breath,” Annie said, shoving her lightly and colouring when she realized what she just said. Annie sat up, resolutely staring out the rainy window in her embarrassment; despite, well, _everything_ , she still wasn’t used to casual declarations of affection. Deceptively delicate-feeling fingertips danced across a bare strip of skin where her shirt had ridden up, making her squirm.

                “You’re ticklish?” Mikasa asked, sounding amused.

                “No - don’t touch me, heathen,” Annie said. She slapped at Mikasa’s hand and scowled at her when she didn’t seem deterred at all. Annie pinned the offending hand to the bed, which somehow ended up with Mikasa pinning her. A curtain of black hair shut them off from the rest of the room. She glared up at the other woman. “I changed my mind – I hate you.”

                “You don’t.”

                “I do.”

                “No, you don’t.”

                Mikasa was looking entirely too pleased with herself and it was doing strange things to Annie’s stomach. So, as Mikasa leaned down to kiss her, Annie lifted her head… and headbutted Mikasa in the nose. The woman reared and sat back on her knees, rubbing her abused nose.

                “Ow.”

                “Go brush your teeth.”

                Annie slipped from the bed and went over to pull some clothes from her knapsack from where it rested by the door **.** She glanced over her shoulder to find Mikasa staring back at her. She seemed… Annie wouldn’t really call it pouting, but the girl did look chagrined. Her nose was a bit red… Annie felt a little bad. She walked back over and placed a hand under Mikasa’s chin to tilt it up.

                “It’s not broken, is it?”

                “…no.”

                “That’s good,” She said and – after a moment’s hesitation – added, “…sorry.”

                Mikasa reached up to take the hand on her chin in her own. She shook her head lightly as she pulled the hand away, but didn’t let it go. The drumming of the rain against the glass intensified and it brought with it flashes of memories from the last rainstorm that fell during the battle in Trost just a few weeks ago. They never talked about her breakdown after the fact – just like they hadn’t talked about her outwardly impulsive decision to join the survey corps last night (as planned, Reiner had been the only one of the three to join the military police). She knew that Mikasa had been surprised and though they hadn’t spoken about it yet, Annie imagined that it would come up eventually. Annie bent to press a light kiss to Mikasa’s temple. She tried to move away after, but Mikasa squeeze her hand.

                “Annie.”

                She knew Mikasa thought that they should talk about it, but what was there to say? It wasn’t like she could tell her the truth. For better or for worse, Annie had a job to do. Even if she wanted to throw it all away, there was no way that she could expect Mikasa to understand or forgive the sins she’s committed to get to this point. Annie bit her cheek and relaxed her hand –asking, silently.

                As requested, Mikasa let her go.

                “…go brush your teeth and try again.”

                Mikasa touched her lower back as she got up and strode past her to do just that.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

                It didn’t comfort Annie to know that she wasn’t the only one with nightmares. Though not as frequently, Mikasa had them too. On these nights, Annie was the one to hold her. Over time, she learned that the quiet whines and miniscule shakes that woke her would quiet down if she simply drew the other woman closer and whispered gentle nothings into her ear. She didn’t always wake up (and for that, Annie was grateful), but from the few times that she did, Annie knew that Mikasa’s biggest fear – the one she _always_ dreamt about – was losing her family.

                Again.

                “… no…Eren…”

                Annie’s frown deepened, though she didn’t pause her actions. Mikasa’s black hair slipped through her fingers like fine silk as she massaged the woman’s scalp and tightened her embrace. It had been a month since they had joined the survey corps and they would be getting up in a few hours to set out for their first expedition beyond the walls with their new division. In the busy days leading up to the excursion, Bertolt had told her (in passing only) that Reiner - scummy piece of shit - planned to make an appearance. Annie chanced a glance at the woman in her arms and bit her cheek. If he succeeded in grabbing Eren tomorrow…. Mikasa moaned softly.

                … _Annie_ was probably a bigger, scummier piece of shit.

                “…Annie…”

                _Oh_.

                Annie’s heart sputtered. She was a feature in Mikasa’s nightmare now. She was important enough to… As the implications of what this might mean dawned on her, her chest felt full for one wonderful instant before completely caving in. She couldn’t breathe. How in the hell was she supposed to betray this person? And if she didn’t, then what? Marley would… her father…

                Annie pressed her face into Mikasa’s too soft hair and cried.

_Fuck._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just a side note: I just want to explain that since Reiner was the one to go to the MP, he was also the one to use Marco’s 3D maneuver equipment to dispatch Bean and Sonny. I still liked Annie’s conversation with Armin though, so I moved it around and changed it a little to make it work.

**Author's Note:**

> I'd like to ask for a moment of silence for my formatting, which bravely sacrificed its life during the transfer over to AO3. I'm entirely too lazy to figure out how to get my paragraph tabs back in there, so this is what I'm giving you all, lol. I also didn't edit it too hard, so forgive me if there are any glaring mistakes or tense changes. I might go back over it later, but for now... this is the longest thing I've ever written and I'm going to bed, hahah. Still, I do hope that it's decent enough that you enjoyed it.


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